Saturday, October 24, 2009

So you want to be an escort!

I've had a few similar Ask Curvy questions lately - about starting out as an escort. I've put off writing about it cause as much fun as I've had, and from everything I've learned, it's still not something I'd encourage people to go into unless they are really, really sure. I can't assess your mental state or personality traits to see if you are going to cope okay when you have that first freak out moment of "Oh my god, I just had sex for money!"

Please also remember that where I am, working as a single girl alone from a house, or visiting hotels and client's houses - it is all legal. No one can entrap me to give me a police record, or fine me, or argue that I'm not a fit and proper person to be around kids or whatever. I also don't have a relationship to put at risk. So the first bit of advice I would give is that you research the law where you are and find out exactly what you can and can't do, and what issues you would face if caught. Then look at your partner and kids and family situation. If you're okay with the possible consequences then that's a good, informed place to start!

This advice is also for girls wanting to work solo. I know nothing about brothel work or agencies!

You need to research like any other business idea. What's your market? Your prices? Your persona? What are other women and brothels offering around you? Ring a few phone numbers you find, or answer a few of the online ads as a curious client to find out prices and terminology and basically scope out your competition. Is there a gap in the market you could fill?

I kinda market myself as the middle-class escort. I'm not high end charging $600 plus an hour, but I'm certainly not even going to say hi to a client for less than $150 (and that at most gets you 30 mins. I've even charged that minimum for a ten minute fantasy). I target business men during the day, or tradesmen with some spare time. And of course anyone who likes BBW, but I draw the line at over fifty usually because I just don't want to go there. I only take bookings online. All of these restrictions mean I reject up to ninety percent of potential booking cause they want to talk on the phone, are too old, or want to negotiate too low on prices.

If you know your legal rights, and your market and persona are sorted, plus ideally you know how you'll advertise and where you'll work from then the next step is to try and find a mentor. Is there a call girl with an ad that you admire? Ask her for advice. She may be willing. Is there a sex workers outreach program around you? Or any kind of whore's association? Sign up if you can to scope out the scene.

If you can't find any one around you to help, you're going to have to tell at least one person in your life so you can organise some safety routines. Or you could try paying someone for the same service. Maybe someone to act as your safe call, maybe a driver, maybe a security guard. Or maybe it's your most trustworthy friend who is going to cover your ass. At a minimum have someone who will know where you are, with who, and when you are leaving. Ring them at the beginning and end and set up a plan if something goes wrong.

Maybe if you don't call them at the end then they wait a few mins and call you. And if no answer, or you say some sort of code word, they need to call the police. Have a story in place so that the cops don't judge you first up - at least until they've saved you. Get your friend to tell them you went home with someone from a bar or an online date and you're super worried because you've failed to call as arranged, or called and said something was wrong. Make the story good and scary so they'll go to your aid.

As part of your safety plan you should also be seeing clients only when drug free and sober, or you are asking for issues.

So I guess it boils down to knowing your legal rights and issues, a safety plan and a business plan. That's a good start.

Now you need to have a client plan. How are you going to fill the hour? It's too much if you just jump straight in. Try and relax them with a drink, or make them have a shower. Offer to shower with them. Massage them. Sex work is a bit of a art form - make them feel good but with minimum work for yourself or you'll burn out! At first you won't have a clue what you are doing but they will be just as nervous. Also think about your client boundaries. Kissing? Them going down on you? Spanking? Fantasties? Be very clear with what you will and won't do from the start.

That's about all I can think of for now but fire away with any questions, or jump in with your own experiences - I'm only one girl with some part time experience, on my own terms, outside of the "sex industry" as such so am still pretty naive myself!

xx

Curvy Gal

Sunday, October 11, 2009

"Out" Sex Workers

Stupid timing, but just as I'm getting ready to wrap up the call girl stuff, at least for a while, I finally grew the balls to go and meet an "out" sex worker. As in - everyone knows her job, she declares it on her tax return, has appeared in newspaper articles and online with full name and does a lot of outreach stuff and advocacy to sex workers of all levels - including street workers.

She'd seemed pretty cool on the mailing list I've been lurking around on, and offered a room for rent if I wanted to do incalls at her place, now that I'm not doing them at mine. I saw her set up, and we had breakfast. Fifty bucks an hour to rent a room. Which made my mind churn - wouldn't it be great if I rented a studio apartment and then charged others fifty bucks an hour for rental and watched the dollars roll in. Ha. Nice way to afford a mortgage perhaps. Not just for sex workers, but folks having affairs would be a great target audience!

Perhaps cause I'm so closeted as a sex worker, I was a bit nervous and was a motor mouth over coffee, talking way too much. It really did seem we live in different worlds. She advertises in newspapers, takes phone calls and screens that way. I told her my system of face photos via online ads and email bookings only. She hadn't really considered online stuff, and she asked me if I'd had contact with any of the outreach programs for working girls before I'd made my mind up to start. I said no, cause the web site for those programs was crap, and I didn't really identify with the whole industry.

I told her I'd bought some books online, and got advice from gals that also work online as independent escorts with no contact with the rest of the industry and she was astounded that people would buy some of those books - like www.theinternetescortshandbook.com

It all struck me as a bit of culture clash - old school whoring vs new school whoring. Interesting, huh?

She did know all about the brothels in the city, all of the insider gossip, all of the who-is-who in the trade, but I wasn't as interested as I thought I'd be.

Though there was a funny moment when I'd told her I'd heard about a BBW only brothel. She looked me up and down and said, "Yes, but you'd be too thin to work there." I didn't know if I should be offended, or take it as a compliment!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

A quick laugh at statistics

I started tracking this blog a while back with Google Analytics. The idea was I'd get some good stats to show publishers if I ever decided to try and turn this into a book. Meh. I'm lazy. It hasn't happened. But I do get endlessly amused at what I can find out. Like - 127 visitors found me via search engines. Most using versions of the blog name. So far so boring. But wait. Someone found me who had originally googled "fetish acting like a dog". They visited twice. And then got so drawn in they read 18 pages of content on each visit.

I feel honored that I distracted someone, somewhere on the interwebs, who obviously had a mission in mind when googling - and then forgot about it while reading Curvy Gal. Ha.

I'm still not sure why those key words led to me however!

Ask Curvy

A while back I received an email from a male follower of the blog looking for advice. In a nutshell here is his question:

I'm in a wonderful relationship with a bigger woman, she is all I ever wanted and so much more, but no fairy tale is without issues,right? We decided we are doing the big "it" after hours and hours of mad phone sex and lots of nude pics. We are going to have sex. Which is a big thing for her because she has never been with any man other than her husband. Now she is a big girl and I want to make this first time special , because I really love her. Any tips for the sex or the relationship?

First thoughts were - huh, interesting. He mentions husband, so she is married I'm guessing and thus it's some kind of affair, or maybe she is in the process of moving on. And somewhere else in his original email he mentions a big age gap. I pass no judgement on any of that - how could I with my shenanigans?

To be honest, it was something else that sent alarm bells ringing. From his full email which has some more detail, I gather by the repeated use of "bigger woman/big girl" descriptions that the gal in question really has size issues herself that he is picking up on, and trying to fix, or at least, work with, cause he's in love.

Now I'm all for communicating about your deepest feelings and insecurities and stuff, but there is a limit. And I've heard from lots of men that have gone emotionally bankrupt trying to fill the neediness of a plus size woman who can't accept herself.

Sure, us zaftig girls got a shit deal from society. We've been judged, yelled at, teased, rejected and not represented in any mainstream way as being sexual beings. And for a bit of tough love I say boo hoo to all of that. It sucked growing up that way. It sucks now. But that is no excuse not to "handle your own scandal", as my friend Marina says.

Deal with your baggage and don't use it as an excuse to be broken and don't present yourself on the dating scene as having "Issues". That, more than your size, is probably what makes people run. And I am speaking from experience. I've been the big girl, and I've dated the big girl too. And slept with the big guys with their problems too.

So I would warn this guy that the issue is not his, but that he needs to let her know what he told me - he's aware of her concerns, he loves her, and he hopes she's getting the help that she needs - therapy or whatever - to come into the relationship as a complete person, and not a person that needs rescuing.

They are off to a good start. Phone sex is great. And swapping naked pics means that the girl should be *more confident* already that she's not going to be rejected cause this guy is still hanging in there interested.

When it comes down to the actual business of getting it on, my advice is the same as it would be to any new couple - make sure you know what each other likes, talk, ask, try different things, don't be drunk, don't rush it and don't act as if orgasm or even penetration is the end game. And for goodness sake, if you do love the woman, offer some spooning and at least a few words of conversation afterwards!

Monday, October 5, 2009

A Scary Story

Another thing I just wanted to share...it's not at all funny and light-hearted like a lot of my client stories. A few weeks ago I decided to let a friend in on my secret double life. The moment felt right. She was totally cool with it, and knows other women doing the same thing. She did tell me a horrible thing though - last year a friend of hers was killed doing exactly what I'm doing.

I pressed for a few details and this girl was acting the same way I was. Middle class educated woman, working privately, using friends for safe calls, screening via the internet, same set up for ringing in and out of jobs, working same "safe" inner city suburbs as me. Her girlfriend was her safe call one day, and when she didn't ring out of a job the girlfriend tried to call her. Still no answer. Called the police who went to the address and found her body.

I wasn't going to post this cause I was worried it reinforces what everyone says about sex work - too dangerous, it'll all end in tears etc. But then I thought if I am writing about all of my great experiences I kinda owed it to readers not to paint it as too glossy and breezy either, especially since I know I have a lot of sex-worker-curious gals who are following this blog and considering working themselves.

Hello Readers!

Oh my, it's nice to be wanted. I've noticed some comments bemoaning my lack of posting, and I've had a few emails too. So I thought I'd better pop back in here and update you all on what is going on!

Well...there have been some pretty massive changes in my personal life is the short version. I haven't blogged about it cause it's not related to the sex work. Well, it sort of is, but I still don't want to shout it from the rooftops via a public blog.

It's all very exciting, but it does mean that I'm pretty much done with the escort hobby. Could just be for a few months, could be forever. At this stage I really don't know, since my life is about to change so much.

I'm happy to share a bit more detail if you email me at forloversofcurves@gmail.com as long as you tell me a tiny bit about yourself so I know who I'm gossiping with!

That leaves me with thinking about what to do with this blog. I have a couple of questions from readers that I'll blog about soon - some Ask Curvy advice.

After that I could make the blog private and limit it all to just whoever reads now, and thus reveal more personal stuff. But I'm leaning toward leaving it open for anyone to find and read in the future which means I won't really have too much to blog about over the upcoming no sex work months/years/whatever.

Another idea I had was to try and find other contributors. Are there any other plus size sex workers with a fun style of writing? Maybe there could be another Curvy Gal who fills in with some stories for you. It would be a shame to let the blog die.

Over to you for ideas - what kind of stuff would make you keep reading? Do you like the idea of another Curvy Gal if I can find one? Or even just a series of guest posts from other sex workers perhaps telling their funniest client stories?