Friday, January 30, 2009

247 Emails

I have a special folder in my email account - just tagged "E". It's the number of emails and enquiries I've had about my escort work. I've got 247 emails in there - which is a ridiculous number considering I've seen ten people now, and seen one of those three times - bringing my total escort hobby to only thirteen visits. I've said yes to probably another fifteen or so who have not actually followed through. So I guess I'm running at maybe 10% of all men I feel are worth fucking for cash. I think this is only cause I have a good professional day job too. If I was really just after the money that would be much higher.

It's now becoming somewhat obvious what my niche is, as far as being a fat girl escort goes. I'm not sure if this is the same niche all sex workers have, or if it's related to my body size. But here is my gross generalization of my clientele:

1) Deformed guys. I don't mean this harshly - and with most of these you'd never see it from the outside, but if I get a guy under 40 it normally means he is shy, short, has a small penis, or has sexual issues like premature ejaculation. Good looking, but with an issue. I really feel for these guys. Some of them are struggling to get girlfriends but are pretty decent men all in all.

2) Married professional men over 40 (tonnes of requests I've turned down from the same but over 50!) They love my conversations and my casual girlfriend-like personality and seem to think that women should have curves. They don't buy into the supermodel ideal at all and really enjoy my body, and the person that goes with it.

With these guys I tend to let my sex worker persona slip quite a bit, until sometimes they almost see the real me. In a very twisted way these guys give me hope that I'll find a nice husband one day. Ha. Funny that my definition of nice husband still has space for them to be visiting escorts - just like me!

3) Ethic guys. I think I'm a Greek, Italian or Lebanese man's dream. They love a fat girl - partly that's cultural I guess. It's normally young boys that email too - in their early or mid twenties. However they are really impossible to manage, arrogant, crude and never seem to follow through with a booking. Sometimes I even get 2) and 3) combined. 50 year old Greek husbands desperate to see me. But so far their photos just make me shudder.

4) Solid, tall, or fat men. Like attracts like I think and I'm pretty sure a big guy feels right at home and not judged by a big girl. I've seen two clients like this - Jabba, who was an arsehole, and one guy who was only 35, but a big, big guy who used to even be a bigger man at 350 pounds plus in high school. He'd lost enough weight for me to almost just consider him solid, but he had the fat kid personality still.

Most heart breaking of all was a series of emails from a fat guy who wouldn't actually go through with seeing me, but wanted to confide in a fat girl. I may actually post these since they offer insight into size issues.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sugar Daddy A Go Go

So..several email conversations with SugarDaddy later and it appears our first meeting was a bit of a mess - he was quiet cause he thought that's what I liked. I was silent cause he was. Doh. C- for communication kids!

A few saucy emails back and forward and an invite..travel with him for business next week! Real Job owes me some time off, I've got friends in the city his is working in that I haven't been able to catch up with for year, I'm listless and up for an adventure..

Ticket booked!!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Client #10 (Sugar Daddy #1)

Well this latest adventure has been a bizarre hybrid of my real life and my escort life. I answered an ad by a guy who fancied himself as a sugar daddy. Within a few days of the odd back and forward email he suggested lunch to see if we got along.

I thought about it. He was suggesting some cash, some travel, some spoils - hotels, gifts, indulgences. Hmmm. I realised I would have to use my real name cause no way could I travel under a false name. Plus we met for lunch across the road from where I work, on a weekday. So I decided I would have to drop my sex work persona and just be a girl "saving for an apartment".

Our lunch went well. He was boring. Non offensive in every way. Not actually old. Under 40 even. But rich and bored enough to afford me. And with a bunch of travel plans in the works.

The next day he suggested lunch, a nice bottle of wine and some bedroom fun. He was late and missed lunch. I was slightly sulky at paying for my $15 sandwich and juice without him by my side to pick up the tab. Which goes to show I may have the SugarBabe disposition after all -much to my horror.

I skulked on home, trying not to kick stones at the thought this guy had cost me $15. He decided to meet me at my home instead. That put me more on solid ground - just like an normal client then.

Except not. He wanted to drink wine and talk. And I was soooo bored. He has no personality. I decided to throw him in the bed just to get him to shut up. And the sex was boring too. This guy has no passion that I can discover yet.

Afterward I went to grab a towel to wrap around myself - and he was mostly dressed and ready to go. He kissed me on the forehead - oh puhlease Mr Paternalistic - and said "I left you a gift under your keyboard"

As soon as he left I ran to see what it was. I'd decided I was going to play it cool - not have an hourly rate or anything since this whole SugarBabe thing is a whole new ballgame. Hard to work out how to value myself in this. But there were three notes there. Good cash. Not extravagant, but enough to show he kinda was worth seeing again.

Client #9

#9 Didn't show up for his second booking the next night. I tried texting to confirm but heard nothing. Frankly, I was surprised at the end of our session he was still even talking about the second booking after his disastrous first performance. Maybe it was just a save face thing.

John Bait

I just answered a Jabba the Hutt ad without realising it - and I was using a new address and name. He was one of my first clients and had made me swear I wasn't a working girl when he saw me.

It was too good an opportunity to pass up. He wrote back that he didn't pick up girls or see escorts but wanted sex for $250 an hour, so that if I wasn't an escort could I please send my details. His attitude hadn't changed in the months since I'd seen him.

I replied in my best street walker hooker jargon, trying to channel an aging cynical woman who'd seen it all:

"Oh sugar, I do think you'll find that handing over money for sex makes the girl a whore and makes you a john. No matter what you tell yourself.

I am a hooker so I'm not for you in that case - although whoever you do see I guarantee will also be a professional, no matter what they tell you."

So immature but I am giggling.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Client #9 and a Revelation

So it turns out my lube does froth like a mother fucker when played with too much. Mr Alien Sperm wasn't quite as bad as I thought then. Still a bit nasty and odd, but now I've seen the lube in action with another client who couldn't get it up but was furiously jerking off with it I'm relieved.

I need to go lube shopping.

Okay. Client story. #9 In town for a conference. Has booked me two nights in a row. Just wants to talk mostly. Tiny tiny penis, oldest guy I've seen so far too, but fine looking in his pics.

My house guest didn't want to leave since it was dark outside so she was in her room the whole time. Actually made me feel safer and I didn't need to do a safecall to Bell.

Boring story eh? I'll let you know if anything fun happens tomorrow night with him.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Client # 8

Reading over my past entries I've realised this blog has become more about the frustrations of wanting to be a part time lover escort gal and being constantly stood up by clients. So it is with great joy that I report a new client. The perfect client.

#8 didn't start out well - he was the guy who canceled and then tried to rebook and I told him to make an appointment and stick to it since I wasn't a call girl. His photos showed also that he was on the borderline of my four-beers-or-less system and I was thinking he may turn out to be be bigger, and uglier in person so was doubly hesitant.

But he's nothing if not persistent so yesterday I agreed to a booking. He confirmed, he was a little early but texted to make sure that was okay and he requested me in PVC. I had to kick the house guest out before I put on the PVC. No one needs to see that in my real life. Ha. But PVC makes me feel sexier - like it's a costume into my alter-ego. So I was happy.

In person #8 was actually thinner and cuter than the pic. And so clean and polite. I probably had treated him a bit roughly over emails, thinking he was another timewaster when actually he was just a busy business owner.

He handed me $50 too much for our session. I realised while he was in the shower and made sure to mention it when he got out, in case it was some kind of honesty test. He just said that we'd see how we went, no big deal.

He just wanted to please me. It was great fun. He was a good kisser too. And he got so excited he was done in the first five minutes. So we spent an hour talking and he didn't seem ready to do a round two. Then he decided he's extend his time a few minutes and not to give him any change.

I had to madly text my house guest telling her to steer clear a bit longer. Was quite the comedy of errors since Bell texted back with "Um, don't think that was for me. Do you really need me out of the house for an extra few mins?" Ekkk. Luckily it was Bell who I'd used as my safetycall so she knew what was going on and was giggling away I think. Client and I had a laugh at the idea of house guest walking in on us any minute as I hurried to resend the text.

So finally we got round to some actual sexing and again he was so excited we were done in like a minute. Another client that wanted the talking and connection probably more than anything else...another true GFE. It's definitely my niche.

The best thing was when I realised that by seeing me it made him kinda relive his "wild and crazy" youth so I started pumping him for fun stories. And then he let out the most hilarious story involving a celebrity, a huge bag of coke and a party hard few days at a tourist glam spot. I can't really go into details since I'm taking his word for it, but this gal is kinda B grade celeb and it's no surprise that she'd be a bit of a coke fiend. Explains how she stays thin(ish!) Ha. I love it. Makes me feel like I'm living the high life just to hear the stories!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Client # 7 (Epic Whore FAIL)

Oh my #7 did follow through but the whole thing was a disaster from start to finish. Talking to him on the phone he'd told me he was a tradie. I have tradies in the family so I think I slipped into "Ok, this is the guy you'd have a beer with and joke around with." Not a great sexual vibe to start with. Plus he didn't really buy my working girl name, and I admit it's far too glam for a plumber. I should have a back up name for those guys that don't want the fantasy girl, but the really down to earth gal who lives next door. Suggestions? I'm thinking - Summer??

Then before he arrived I had an argument with my house guest. Well, not really. I'd checked she'd be out in the afternoon, but by the time this guy finally did arrive it was late afternoon. So I texted her - but she came home without reading the text! So in the middle of my "transformation into sex worker" mode I had to make excuses about "my lover" being late and shove her out of the house for an hour, which she was pissed about. That's why I hate house guests.

With all the stress I wasn't really ready mentally when the door bell rang. And then this little cute guy walked into my hallway and I had to try not to laugh. Oh, he looked adorable. But all grubby in work wear. And about five foot nothing. Like he was twelve and had got dirty at school.

I made the mistake of opening with small talk that didn't bring us into sexy land. And he didn't seem to want to hand over the cash. I showed him my room, and the bathroom and we stood awkwardly in the hallway while I waited for the cash. He asked if the guy outside in the white Commodore was looking out for me. I told him no, to make him feel at ease. I really should have taken advantage of the random guy sitting outside my house and said yes. Still no money.

Finally I had to actually put my hand out for cash. And that's when he says, "Oh, I've only got $200. What will that get me?"

Oh, for the love of furry pink slippers. Do I look like the corner shop that sells mixed lollies? "Oh, I've got $1. How many milkbottles and musk sticks can I get for that?"

I'd agreed with him the hourly rate. Now he wanted to bargain. Stilll, he was in my house and harmless enough so I figured out I'd give him 45 mins. Which, as it turns out, was fifteen mins more than he needed.

After the shower he comes out and I ask him what he wants. He says "to relax". First I have to convince him I don't have a web cam going. Then he wants to see my outfits. Which is more like talking about my sex work, than actually doing my sex work. I think he's just curious and trying to stay outside the experience too.

I try kissing, offering massages, but the trouble is, he's already half way to sleep after work in minutes. I just can't get him going, and I just can't be bothered. I try and ask him a few things - does he like his nipples played with, his balls sucked? What I really want to do is scream, What the FUCK will turn you on? Just be honest. I don't care. He doesn't really respond to anything. Nipples are good. I try some light scratches and get pulled up with, "No claw marks".

Oh dear, really? Do I look like the stereotype gal with long nails? No. They are short. All that statement does is prove you're anxious about marks going home. So, not single I take it. It's not helping the mood for you to be thinking about home. He suggests rimming him, but that's not going to happen for $200 and no fair warning. He then says, "Oh, it's kinda gross I admit." Which kills the mood further.

He kind of likes watching my pink bits so I give him a bit of a show and have a small orgasm as fun as a sneeze. I try to go down on him but he can't stay hard. And a flaccid penis in my mouth makes me want to bite since it seems so chewy. Like a rolled up piece of leg ham. I try not to get the giggles.

He starts to jerk himself off and that's when things really went twilight zone.

He'd wanted lots of lube to play with so it was everywhere. But the more he jerked off the more I could see this kinda bright white soap scum forming on his jerking hand. I was thinking maybe there was something odd in my lube. He didn't seem concerned. Then I realised it was pre cum. Oh, Jesus. It GLOWED. It was so thick. My eyes were bugging out of my head. I've never seen anything like it.

When he finally came it was like he's willed a solid object into life. This puddle of ceiling paint white sat on his belly. I expected it to grow legs and walk away to lead an independent existence in the world. There was nothing pearly about it. Nothing translucent, or snot-like even. Not even the grayish dribble I'd seen on Jabba the Hutt. Nope. This thing was definitely a new life form without even needing to find an egg.

I was wondering if he'd want me to put in a jar and give it a name. His hands looked like he'd dipped them in thick moisturizer and not rubbed it in. So I got the baby wipes. But the alien life form kept running away from the wipe. Like mercury pushed around. Or maybe part of that metallic Terminator. Five wipes later and he still needed another shower.

He got dressed and left after that. I tried humour to lighten the fact it was a disaster with no real satisfaction for him. Always a mistake. You don't joke with a guy who can't stay hard. He left in a bit of a hurry and I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing him or his liquid paper fluid again.

Monday, January 12, 2009

A slow time of year?

Well, according to the email I got from an escort website - December and January are slow months in the business. This website wanted to give me some free advertising deal, and I started to do it all, then had a gut feeling I shouldn't put my photos and details up somewhere so public with so little control and I changed my mind.

Anyhow..that's beside the point. So, a slow time, right?! I've had hardly any new emails. I did get one or two almost-bookings over Xmas, but I felt kinda in the wrong headspace to be using a fake name, and fucking for cash on a holiday period. Not that I believe in Jesus, and not that I think what I am doing is evil, more that I was so relaxed and chilled out in RL that I couldn't be arsed to get into character. Sex work is a performance just like any other kind of theatre.

I even turned down a two hour booking just after Christmas. Out of spite. He booked, I got ready, he canceled last minute, I relaxed into holiday mode again. An hour or so later he tried to reinstate the original booking but I sent a rant about not being a "call girl on demand with only a few mins notice". Damn. The money would have been good. That will so show me for being so high and mighty.

I've also had a few experiences with #4 that left me a bit cold. He emails, wants to see me, gets himself all excited, ends up blowing his load before we even get the booking sorted, then is satisfied enough he doesn't need to see me. Now what the fuck is that about? I'm so hot that the mere thought of a visit is enough? That is *not* good for business.

I tried an experiment and went back to being a little distant and very formal with him. That just sent him running away for a few weeks. Yesterday he was back trying to book, and so I was a little warmer, but not leading him on with much. And in four emails of "time, place, length of booking" discussions he was already at explosion point. Maybe I've lost him as a client and his fantasy of me is strong enough then.

I also had to turn down a booking with #6 who wants to be a regular. But I had house guests, his parents were visiting for the holidays and so we were stuck. He didn't want to pay for a hotel. Given that last time we just talked mostly, I don't blame him. He made another appointment a few nights back and then had friends drop round unannounced. Or so he said, as he canceled.

And now..well I've just got back from my realjob lunch break. I went home to do a quick booking - and of course the guy didn't confirm but changed the time till later this afternoon. As least I did talk to him on the phone and felt okay about it all. Maybe I'm getting over the phone phobia.

So, what do you think chances are that he'll actually follow through? A pack of fruit flavoured condoms (they do really help with the gag problem I've found) to anyone who correctly guesses what happens with this new client.