Sunday, August 2, 2009

Musing about fuck buddies etc

It never ceases to amaze me just how much variety there is out there in the world of love, friendship, fucking and the rest of it!

About a year ago, just after I'd started whoring, I ran an ad to find some photographers to take some photos for me - kinky, classy, naked, sexy...a whole mix. I didn't tell them I was wanting them to use for paid sex work cause I knew they'd charge a fortune. Instead I offered a kinda quid pro quo making it into a bit of a scene/fantasy with potential for all sorts of fun in return for copyright and professional work.

I booked a penthouse suite, organised three different photographers and had the wildest weekend. One was strictly professional - didn't even seem turned on, just wanted practice with nude models. Some nice arty shots there that really made me see the beauty of a BBW through someone else's eyes. Another was an old guy who kinda enjoyed the kink of a young curvy model rolling around naked but knew I didn't want him to touch me cause the age difference was simply too much.

Third guy was an ex-baseballer turned fashion photographer (for realz) and game for some play. Ended up an amazing photo shoot and then some of the kinkiest, hottest sex. Mmmm..

I've seen him a couple of times over the year since but the sex has been vanilla. He's much too turned on by the idea of me, and kink, and when he arrives we don't actually follow through on our ideas cause he's too quick to fall back on basic sex stuff just to get off. It was getting a bit frustrating really since I rated him only average in bed, and average in looks - and all a bit of a let down from the first time.

Until Friday. He had a spare afternoon, I'd gone home from dayjob early and found an email from him saying he was at a bit of a loose end.

Oh my...he'd got fat, a real case of broad-shouldered, ex-sports star turning to solid beer drinking probably. And he'd grown a beard. He looked like a "man's man" I guess you'd say. Reminded me of an Alaskan fisherman type look. Rugged. Masculine.

Not ever a look I thought I'd be hot for, but given I've mostly slept with geeks, nerds, younger men or corporate types, it suddenly dawned on me how much I did want a grizzly bear in bed, love handles, back hair, beard, grunting and all.

Since we're pretty comfortable in bed these days the conversation flowed, I asked him for what I wanted and we went at it. It was great, and fun, and lighthearted but also very, very hot when I squinted and imagined my Alaskan fantasy. There really is a lot going for a big solid guy I think.

Of course afterwards he ruined it all by talking too much. I'd forgotten that part of the deal. He is a boring, crappy, repetitive, storyteller, obsessed with his own good self and adventures.

I should have warned him the only stories I wanted were about trawlers and big catches and perfect storms.

Made me realise how lucky I am that I can enjoy some time with him, not be married to him, not even be in love with him. For if I was forced to sit across the dinner table with him night after night I'd surely stab myself in the thigh with my fork - just to relieve the boredom.


  1. Hmmm ... Your baseball player sounds interesting, but difficult. True, a lot of former athletes balloon up when they stop working out, as the muscle turns to fat ... However, with Jay (my bf), he's 47 and still playing, coaching and reffing soccer games, so he's AMAZING -- AMAZING to look at and AMAZING to go to bed with! May I suggest you try to find a soccer player!?

  2. I don't know what to say ... grizzly bear? Hell, I shave my OWN legs and do the whole 'manscape' thing, FOR MYSELF. So there is no way in hell if I were you, I would let some big hairy beast get on top of me, and for me to allow for some pleasure form it.

    That would have been a 'by the books' transaction.

    I am going to say it ... I think you need more emotionally from somewhere. You aren't 'desparate' in your profession. You have good sense and have your thoughts in order. Even if this is someone's imagination, you still have that emptiness in your life.

    Don't mind me ... I am jus' sayin' ...

  3. big thumbs up for fuck buddies. and hey, maybe next time you can politely toss the guy out before he gets too caught up in telling you the same old stories again. or any stories... perhaps you could have 'something important' to take care of? i was lucky enough to basically sleep with my friends when i wanted a fuckbuddy. which is nice b/c you already know you like them as people! otoh, not all friends make good fuck buddies. hmmm... maybe you need to expand your range of friends!!

    also... big mark 243... perhaps she just wants to have some good sex while she is finding the right person(s) to have a relationship with. liking sex =/= emotional black hole.

  4. Hey Raven

    You're so right about Mark's comment but I can't be bothered defending my posts anymore. It's impossible to control how someone reads what you write and what assumptions or deeper levels they find - sometimes it's their own experience projected I think.

    For the record - yes, I am open to a relationship and would like to find one at some stage. But I'm not emotionally empty or stuggling with that revelation.

    I LOVED having Alaska in bed with me, hair and all as I said, and loved it when he went home leaving me to my single life. I also loved that it wasn't a paid gig - so I could just be myself.

  5. New to the blog and can't wait to read more.

  6. Projection ..? Hmm ... that is an interesting take on my comment. But as you say, you aren't defending anything. And I will try hard to stop wondering if you are looking for more in your relationships.