Monday, July 6, 2009

Heart over Head

So after my great justification of why I couldn't see Mr Married with his child ...well..I don't know if he's reading this blog or what but after my last entry he suggested we head out in public for the morning and catch up first - no sex, no pressure.

I went along with the whole idea as a great way to figure out if I really did want to sleep with him and figure out what exactly I wanted from the whole encounter, and how I felt about having to see his wife's baby.

While justifying this as a good compromise and feeling all smug and high and mighty of course I'm shaving my legs, trimming my girl bits and tidying my holiday apartment. Uh huh. I'm so transparent.

In the end we spent three hours having lunch and exploring the local area and the parks and Mr Married morphed into the ideal lover - as if he was indeed Mr Married To Curvy Girl. Affection in public, sweet kisses and whispered nothings. Actually that is the one thing my paid work doesn't give me and the one thing I do crave. And if he was acting or not, I didn't really care cause he was darn convincing.

I decided we'd play happy families for the day. I'm sure there were other married men kicking their wives with babies as they walked past us on our picnic blankets cause to the rest of the world we just looked like a very cute family in love and lust even with a tiny new kid on the scene. If only they knew!

We walked home hand-in-hand with the babe in the stroller. There was no question in my mind - we were going to bed. It was tricky with a kid who really did demand attention and feeding and entertainment and all of that baby stuff but by then my happy family hormones were flying so high I was happy to cradle her in my arms naked while kissing her father.

We "made love" while the baby gurgled with happiness and I really did not at all feel guilty. For something that is not at all justifiable it felt so amazing and natural and very Blue Lagoon - two naked adults in bed spooning a baby between them.

You know what I really wish - I could find this kind of situation where the wife knew and approved. I'd totally be happy being some kind of "Second Wife" and sharing him, having him a few nights a week. It would be ideal cause the other secret he is keeping from his wife, but not me, is that he too is doing sex work now. So in my ideal world we could be each other's refuge from the paid stuff, while he did all the domestic stuff with First Wife, and I just got the passion and spooning, being free to still do my own thing too. LOL.

Yeah, dream on Curvy Girl. I'm probably going to rot in hell for this behaviour. Well, not that I believe in hell, but you know what I mean!

6 comments:

  1. Were you paid for your time with him?

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  2. Wow ... what a agonized day to live!!

    I am sitting here, wondering what it must feel like being a part of something you want to experience for real, without any barrier that a 'professional relationship' creates, and really feel something like that?

    For me, it always comes back to 'doing the dishes'. It isn't going to be as beautiful as this, not all the time. Will the things that maed this such an experience be replicated enough, or come close enough to justify the change? Are you going to have what you had that led up to the culmination that made this day such an experience?

    Oh, not to mention that the child will grow up. What then? The equation changes as the demands of parenting acts on the relationship. Then the other outside forces that are a part of being in this 'pretty picture' begins to take an effect on the relationship. Are you 'in' for all that?

    Oh, if you hadn't noticed before, I tend to run off. Don't mean to offend or anything. I had a week and a half of such moments, and now as I decompress, I am asking myself similiar questions. Somehow, this entry relates to me in a way.

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  3. Hey Anon...no I wasn't paid for the day. That's both the agony and the ecstasy of the whole encounter with this guy. I first met him a year ago - before I started paid work we had a brief affair. The great part is that he knows everything about me, the paid work, the whole deal. He is also doing paid work of a type now so we swapped stories.

    So it was the "real me" out for the day and I did allow myself to be wanting the affection and connection and stuff. There was nothing fake about the kissing etc. If he was simply a paid client I would have taken him to bed, given him exactly what he wanted, he wouldn't know much about me - even my real name - and I'd walk away with my emotions carefully guarded and a wad of cash. It's much simpler that way! But far less fulfilling usually.

    And Mark - glad to see you back. You don't need to worry too much about my sanity in this situation. We live ten hours apart, this is only the second time I've seen him in a year, and circumstances being what they are I don't think I'll be coming back this way again. So yesterday was a one off, most likely never to be repeated. I need to go hunt this stuff down for real I know. And even count on the doing the dishes part of the deal ;-)

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  4. man i hope he can find a way to be honest w/his wife! sounds like that would make everyone involved a lot happier. as someone who is poly-friendly, i encourage ppl who aren't happy being monogomous to embrace that part of themselves! monogomy isn't for everyone. but lying about it to your spouse is not the way to go. of course, that is merely my opinion.

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  5. Hey Raven

    I have actually seen the evidence of his attempts to be honest with his wife but she is just ignoring everything related to the issue and not wanting to deal with it. I totally agree with you.

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  6. well then maybe she *is* happy to be willfully ignorant. and if that works for her, and he's told her what he's into... all good! everyone is getting what they have agreed to out of the relationships. it does happen. one of my former play partner had a wife like that. not into kink, wanted to stay married to him, did not want to interfere w/his kink life but in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS wanted to know anything about who he was playing with. personally, i couldn't pull something like that off if i were the wife. but hey, if we were all alike then life would be boring.

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