Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Few Tears, some Introspection

I'll admit right now that I'm in a pretty emotional frame of mind - hormones are going crazy on me at the moment. Still, I was surprised that the day after Mr Married left I cried on and off for HOURS. Longer, most likely, that the entire time his penis had ever been inside me.

Part of it was unrelated- I'm packing my suitcase to go back home, but I really love the spot I have vacationed in for the last three weeks and wish somehow I could live here. So there's that. Plus I don't want to go back to my dayjob. I am growing to hate it. But I don't think I could pull of the paid sex work full time and not have to work. So all of that is piling up as I sort through my books deciding which ones will fit under the baggage limit for international flights.

On a positive note, it is refreshing that I can still act like a stupid love stuck teenager and totally feel something for someone - being a whore hasn't really destroyed anything inside me. I'm not some dead-eyed-Hollywood version of a used up callgirl who is unseeing or unfeeling. Ha.

In between the tears I considered my situation. The tears weren't really for Mr Married. I mean if he turned around and said, right, it's you and me (...er and kids) I don't think I'd be up for it. Rather the tears are showing me I need to go back on the dating scene. I need to be open to feeling something for someone I can have! But I have no idea how to approach this. Maybe you can all give me ideas - where on earth will I find any potential dates?

Here are the issues:

1) Male or female dates - I'm not fussy. But they have to be cool with the fact I've experienced both without getting their knickers in a knot. I could care less how they identify themselves.

2) Ideally they are okay with the sex work and my past adventures. I am willing not to do sex work while in a relationship if needed but I really don't want to pretend it never happened. And the fact that I have admitted to sleeping with married folk can't make them run screaming.

3) Monogamy is a issue. I believe it is possible with a lot of hard work. But I'm not really too fussed on the idea for either myself or my partner. I don't believe monogamy is how you show someone you love them or not, so need a relationship that considers some sort of outlet - polyamory perhaps, even just plain ol' swinging or an open relationship.

4) The whole size thing. I'm never going to be a size zero and I want someone who could care less. I don't want someone who it's a fetish thing for though.

5) Don't like animals or kids? Then move along, nothing to see here...it's a not negotiable. And if you SLEEP with animals or kids, well then I'm sorry that's one kink too far ;-)

On the other side of the equation at least I'm open minded!! My date or partner could be single, divorced or already in some open or poly relationship and could be any race, size, gender and with or without kids, pets and material possessions. Any age from say late twenties to early forties is my best guess. And if there is "baggage" in their past too - cheating, sex work, whatever...I not one to discount them..obviously!

Oh, and if we are going for the ideal person - it's a non-smoker who is funny and smart.

So what do I do? Write up some sort of honest profile for a dating site (errr...BBW sex worker seeks...) or play it all cool and just reveal all of this stuff in tiny portions as I go along dating someone? Where would I even put such a profile? I mean, sure, I might get myself a Best-of-Craigslist nomination if I wrote this in a funny way...

Alright, step to it matchmakers. I'll consider anyone from any part of the world ;-)

xx

Curvy Girl.

13 comments:

  1. An interesting tale.

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    I like you all. I care deeply about you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my god. I've done it! I'm famous and well read enough now that I've got my first ever bit of spam! Woot. I'd like to thank the Academy, my readers, my family...

    Ha. Ha. Ha. Being cared deeply about by someone called Adolf? Well - that's just creepy.

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  3. My fiance's suggestion, from a very sexually open male's point a view, is to "absolutely do NOT" do the reveal a little at a time thing, which I agree with - he thinks that an honest profile on a dating site would be your best bet (other than being honest with a person if you find them offline as well). It'll take a really healthy, secure person to be up for this sort of relationship - But most people one just meets are not very secure at all, ya know?

    of course, I'd definitely explore any local (or online?) swingers/poly groups to begin with. Goode luck!

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  4. Thanks Ameya for that advice..and yeah..I guess I could meet someone offline LOL. Thanks for reminding me not to discount the real world!

    I have dipped a toe in the poly groups before but found it a bit of a meat market of older creepy men looking for more women for their harems.I should go back and have a closer look though.

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  5. Hmmm ... advice? Don't have any of that. All I can do is give you my 'take on us', so that you can feel that there is a cat out there who'd accept you.

    1) Would actually fall under #3, and thethe paragraph after #5. I have been around the block, without animals, children, or any homoerotica going on. But I do prefer to think of things as monogamus between me and my partner. I had a lass who called that kind of stuff 'playing'. I told her she could go 'play', but I wouldn't 'play' with her. Still would be in a relationship, but I wouldn't hit the scene with her.

    And for her, that was a deal breaker. She wanted me in on the fun, but again, I had already been there.

    So how flexible are you regarding that kind of activity? Do you think you could be with one cat, or do you want to be 'flexible'. My suggestion is to start out mono, and see where the relationship goes. You may grow to prefer it that way, and once you let that genie out of the bottle ...

    2) This is actually tricky. As in the first part of this comment, I could 'hang' being with you, if you made sure our relationship was good. To me, it would be no different than me and the guys doing football Saturday during the college season, you know?

    You may get some cats who will say that they are cool, to make a super special notch in their belt and show their friends. They could also get kung fu mega possessive and want to get all abusive.

    I think you will have to follow the vibe of the discussion, and try to read the cat. Someone who is over anxious or sounds too good to be true, has something ELSE going on, which is prolly not good for you.

    Nos. 3&4 have been covered already, and my previous comments here are that I like full figured women.


    The last one, you really don't need any advice. If that answer hasn't been dealt with in any of the previous four point, then you have made a mistake.

    L&R
    Mark

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  6. Ha Ha Mark! Do you always write like Zaphod Bebblebrox? You make me laugh. So I'm on the lookout for a "cool cat" like yourself then!

    As for how flexible I am - well I think I'm pretty flexible. If my partner was done with playing around and didn't want to then that's their choice and I wouldn't force it. But I still like the idea that I may have some freedom of some sort - even if it was by myself.

    I think the trouble would come if they didn't want to ever know about it or talk about it - then any extra adventures I had would only serve to pull me further and further away from being close with a partner who chose ignorance. I think you'd have to be able to debrief and discuss it all.

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  7. Maybe alt.com? I know that is where my poly friend met people to go on dates with her. It caters to a lot of fetishy people, but I think there is a lot of range and people open to a lot of situations and preferences.

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  8. I agree with being honest in a profile, but I'd add the caveat: say, in your profile, only what you would tell someone if you were meeting them for the first time. It's more natural and appropriate that way. There's no way you'd meet someone through a friend in person and walk up and tell them "Hi, my name is Curvygirl and I'm a sex worker, and by the way, do you smoke and what are your feelings on monogamy?" People tend to balk at a little too much TMI in a profile the same way they would in real life - better that it unfold over the course of a handful of dates. I'm an atheist and not sure if I want kids, and that's plenty of reason for lots of men to screen me out in a profile, whereas if they were meeting me in person, we'd no way be having the kids talk that soon. So, it's not in my profile, and when it does come up in person, I can have a more detailed and interesting discussion about it.

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  9. i would suggest irl or online poly groups. surely there must be some groups out there that are not all creepy old guys looking for another member of their harem! i know several poly groups where i live that are young and fabulous! of course, the ones i know are also kinky so that may not be your gig. :D as far as any info... i am also in favor of letting it all hang out from the beginning. i think it's especially important to mention any deal-breakers immediately. why get attached to someone who is rabidly mono and hates kids? better to know they're not going to work for you.

    and also, the best piece of advice i could give you is

    DO NOT SETTLE!

    it's never a good idea. if you know what you want (and it really seems to me like you have a pretty darn good idea what that looks like) then accept nothing less than what you want. sure nobody's perfect. but if you keep having to talk yourself into someone, it isn't worth it. and you might miss out on someone who would bowl you over while you're busy talking yourself into someone who is kinda ... meh.

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  10. Thanks for all the tips. I know I must keep repeating DO NOT SETTLE. It's hard but must be done ;-)

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  11. it's worth it in the end though. i promise. i can imagine that i am at *least* as picky and have as many deal breakers as you. plus i'm also a size 22usa clothes, i'm 36, and a female dominant! if i can find my perfect match (no he isn't perfect by far, but he's perfect for me) then you can too. and now i have someone who is my intellectual, physical (not literally though as he's in waaaaaaaay better shape than i am at the moment), emotional, and kinky match. :D

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  12. I don't think being a whore SHOULD destroy anything inside you. I think what you do is terrific. Just sayin'. ;-)

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  13. Zaphod Bebblebrox?

    LOL ... I am going to have to use that one ... not only do I write like on, I TALK like that too!!

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