I'm having an issue. Totally self-inflicted, but unexpected. I think due to a recent drop in my standards, plus actually fucking purely for cash and not enjoyment, plus going too far with the GFE stuff...I'm starting to hate most men. I can't stand the idea of sex with them anymore.
I'm just feeling worn out. With my whole commitment to a great GFE I'd allowed a few of the guys to text me. So I've been having these crazy sex talk texts on and off - and basically pretending I am what they want me to be - a lover they can talk too who just so happens to be totally into what they are into sexually. I shouldn't have started it. I'm going about my life and I find a message pops up from Dr Spermies "So you totally love it when I rub my cock on your clit right..."
Vomit. I don't. I pretend I do. You buy my pretence. And now take it too far. Texting me, wanting to drink wine with me, wanting to kiss and stroke me like a real lover. Blurgh. But how do I say, "Either book in or bugger off" when I was the one who fucked the boundaries first?
I check my emails and they are on email too. Asking things. Trying to beg and wheddle and negotiate and argue and get cheaper rates and wanting to know more about me and questioning, questioning, questioning. Really most clients at the moment are like a bunch of horrid school boys all wanting a piece of me and I'm finding it harder not to ground them all for lack of emotional maturity.
My gorgeous, friendly, nice guys seem to have dropped off at present. Maybe they've got true love somewhere. Maybe they did the right thing - used me as a service, treated me professionally and then left me alone.
I'm going to have to backtrack. Get some personal space back. Stop replying to the text and the emails and up my rates to remind them of what I am. A part time lover. An escort. Nothing more.
I think it's all coming to a head now too cause it's almost been a year since I last "made love" to someone I loved, and who loved me. For the first six months it was all casual sex, and then it was the whoring experiment. And now I find myself wondering whether relationships were really that bad, and maybe I don't want to be single, and maybe I only want to sleep with people who want to stroke my back, kiss me good morning and bring me a coffee in bed.
Oh no. I wanna go back to being the sex machine with no emotions. The Terminator of Call-Girls. Fuck and Go. Nooooo...what is going on Dr Phil??