Sunday, February 15, 2009

V Day Summary

Valentine's Day in the end was a clusterfuck. But a funny one. Spend the first half of the day in my lingerie and bathrobe waiting for Client #11. He wanted to do a repeat of his amyl-sniffing-missionary ways. I charged him a fortune again! Yay! He was much better behaved after his stupid outbursts the day before when he finally turned up.

In fact, I think he's very keen on me. Turns out he has just been made redundant and is reestablishing his lifestyle by remote working in Peru. He got out his diary and began negotiations for me to visit for a week in Lima. I've always wanted to see Peru so we struck a deal - if he paid for an all inclusive week long holiday with spending money, I'd lay in missionary position as much as he wanted for a week. Ha. Candy from babies if he really goes through with that holiday.

Later that day he sent me a message along the lines of "My last girlfriend hated it when I forgot to say happy Valentine's Day. And I did forget today. So sorry.."

WAH. Maybe rethink holiday. He thinks I'm a girlfriend? For realz? Poor deluded boy.

After he left I then had an argument with "Mr Cheese" the guy who ended all of his emails with "cheese" not "cheers". He tried to barter me against some other sex worker who does "everything for $100/hr". Whatever buddy - get lost.

Later that day from two new email addresses I also got "new client" enquiries. From someone who ended their email with "cheese". Ha. Ha. Ha. He cut off his nose to spite his penis or something. He didn't get laid by anyone.

Mr Silver Fox, Golden Shower also didn't confirm. After all of that research and advice from you all on pee play.

I ended up going out for a V Day diner with my gay best friend, Sean. We laughed at all of the couples. Afterwards he dropped me home for an 11pm client - and he went home to text a fuck buddy. Yo. Way to subvert the most romantic day of the year.

Of course, Mr 11pm didn't show either. Then Client #11 texted wanting to see me at 8am Sunday on his way to the airport to leave for Peru.

I fell asleep about midnight, only to be woken at 6am by a text. Client #11 couldn't make it cause his parents were driving him to the airport. I could keep the amyl he said.

Absolute. Cluster. Fuck. Hilarious.

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