Monday, February 23, 2009

God Bless the Internet

You know that Enid Blyton book The Faraway Tree? Where you could climb to the top and all sorts of different worlds would whizz over the tree and you could pick and choose your worlds and treats?

That's what the web is like for me. I reach in and see what I can find.

The cleaning ads haven't gone too well so far. One guy wants to do all of my ironing and the only payment he would like is to tweak his nipples every now and then. That's a fair trade I think. Never mind I haven't ironed a bloody thing for over five years. I have plenty of things that should be ironed - I just wear them wrinkled, or throw them in the dryer to be passable.

But the real need is my bathroom and floors and the like - the things that are hard to hobble and do. I found one super keen guy - but he's not free for another few weeks. He wants to be watched and told to get naked and then he'll clean.

Not sure I'll last another few weeks in a messy house so am paying a cleaner tomorrow. Damn it. I have to be legit and hand over cash.

After cleaning I moved on to trying to find someone to come to my house and give me a lovely massage - my muscles all over are a bit sore from being off balance I think. Within hours I had almost a hundred replies. Fun. Just like Christmas with a million new possible adventures. And in the middle there - an ex-lover. One who had turned out to be married and lied his arse off about it for many months in a very convincing way. He had replied to my ad after swearing no more cheating on his wife.

Fuck it. I broke my own rule. I wanted a massage and if I replied to the ex lover and told him who I was then I wouldn't have to worry about safety with a stranger in my house. I could just ignore the fact I knew he was married for one day only I decided. Besides. It was ONLY a massage.

Yeah right.

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