Email is a bastard. The best quote I've read about communicating online is that is gives everyone a version of autism - an inability to read facial signals and figure out intended meanings. This is why smiley faces and LOL and the like are over-used. To convey intention.
When you're trying to figure out if you're going to let a stranger into your house for sex then making sure you're okay with the email vibe is super important. Some girls use the phone for this but I find that messes things up even more.
It turns out sometimes you just can't tell. Last week a guy emailed a reply to my hustling spam and it started off fine. Then he decided he wanted super, super, kinky sex. It would have pushed my limits - but I was in a limit pushing mood so I indulged in some back and forward email.
He wouldn't send a photo though and was over fifty. And didn't respect my decision not to see him without a photo. He asked me to call him on his mobile, or at work, or meet him in a pub - anything so that I would say yes.
He started getting pushy. Then he started offering more and more money. Some sort of power game - and given the sex was going to be about power and kink, I started to get wary. Eventually he pushed me over the edge by telling me that for a certain amount of dollars, I should do anal.
Nobody tells me what I can and can't do. So I cut him off.
Then he realised he's been a cunt so he offered me more than $1000 for two hours and dropped the anal idea. He explained he was just frustrated and super eager and I started to think I'd over reacted and then I decided he was worth seeing. Did the money influence that decision? I'd like to say no, but that would be a lie. I did accept his apology and explanation but the money also sealed the deal.
Trouble is - he didn't show cause he hadn't got my address in time. He thought I had just led him on. So the next day he was determined to prove I was for real.
Again, he wanted to meet in a pub. I told him I wouldn't waste my time. He had finally sent a pic, I thought he was fuckable and I was ready to go. But no. He wasn't convinced. He offered me $100 to walk to the watering hole closest to my house and meet him for a drink.
It was like a bet. He thought he'd turn up and I would not. I knew I'd turn up and then at least I'd figure out if he was a serial killer or not with these dumb games.
I got there early, picked a spot close to the door and ordered my own drink (just in case he was planning on slipping me something). He did turn up. He gave me $100 and we eyed each other over drinks.
He was keen, but I still couldn't decide. I noticed he had really,really big hands and when walking out of the venue he gave me a bit of a back massage. It was heaven - but there was part of me imagining what would happen if he wanted to put those hands on my throat alone in my house.
I ummed and arrhed all of yesterday. I made an appointment - then made an excuse and cancelled it. It's the first time my gut feeling was really on the fence. Could have been great sex, could have murdered me and I just could not figure it out.
When I did cancel he went off a bit ranty and power trippy again and tried to play with my mind and convince me I was wrong etc. At last. That flipped over the gut feeling into Fuck No territory. I had not read his first round of emails the wrong way. He was way out of line.
And thus a new rule has been born. If your gut is undecided - still walk away. Better to be safe than sorry and all of those cliches.
So I earned $100 for drinking a diet coke, and learning a lesson. Nice.