Saturday, February 28, 2009

Gnashing of teeth

So I just read this quote about whoring:

"A profession that wastes people, from the inside out."

I know people write that crap all the time but it just made me want to throw my computer. Safe to say I disagree.

Client #13

There wasn't really anything wrong with #13. But he just annoyed me. I think it's cause I'm suffering bad PMS. Shouldn't have seen him perhaps until I was more in the mood.

It took me ages to get a photo off him and he kept trying to see with and squirm out of the photo thing. A bad start when someone won't follow my rules.

Then he tried to argue with me over dollars. Then when he turned up he kissed me straight away. Before I got the money and I was just kinda thrown he was so quick off the mark.

He was naked and into bed within one second after handing over the cash and I guess my head was spinning cause he was so confident. He was actually a really good kisser and really good at going down on me - two massive orgasms. But he still bugged me.

I think it was cause it was such a true GFE - stroking me and spooning me and kissing me with passion - and yet I hadn't even said a word to him. So it was obvious I could have been anyone in the bed with him. Maybe I was reacting badly to being "just a body" to him.

Plus he was obsessed with rubbing his cock on my clit. That's all he wanted to do - hardly anything else. It totally got him off but was just boring for me. Much easier just to fuck then get in all sorts of positions so he can rub and kiss. Grrr. Even a titty job would have been more fun.

At one point I had to warn him about my ankle - it's still pretty black and green. And then he told me he was a doctor and he'd take care of it for me. Ewwwwww. Sleazy Doc. Then he told me maybe he'd want the doctor nurse fantasy. Ewwwww. I don't want to imagine my doctors as sexual beings. Gross.

Then he revealed he lived in a really rich suburb. So then I was a bit pissed about him trying to negotiate dollars.

Hmmm..he was really not as bad as I'm making him sound. I just hadn't realised how much of a shitty mood I was in until his tongue was already down my throat.

Here's a tip

When you use the word "spermies" to refer to your cum I totally lose interest in sex with you.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Schoolgirl Shenanigans

Read this story!

It's about a 15 year old rolling in money after moonlighting as a prostitute. The way I see it, at least she was in charge of her part time job - and it pays a helluva lot better than a fast food job!

Bit dodgy on the agency's behalf - surely they knew??

She's young enough to pass it off as some sort of prank perhaps if she wants to. Otherwise with that kind of entrepreneurial spirit she'll be running a string of escort agencies by twenty-one!

I hope they let her keep the money!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Remind me not to blog straight after seeing a client, when I'm all hopped up on sex endorphins. Last night I fell asleep dreaming of running my own agency - with all men on my books. The little guy from yesterday, previous ex lovers who've wanted to be paid - I know heaps. I was coming up with ideas for photo shoots and whore names for them. Nathan and Blake and Rory.

This morning I woke up and came to my senses. These guys pay me! Would I *really* pay them, or recommend them to other women to pay for. Um. No.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Client # 7 Again

Sometimes I get the gut feeling I'm pushing too hard with this hobby. I'm up for some fun or dollars, so I'm answering ads, placing ads, hustling and even emailing previous clients. And ...nothing...

That's what it's felt like this week. But I finally clued in that it's a good thing. For starters I have a green and black ankle - from toe to heel and back. Not an ideal situation if I have to run or fight or something if I get a bad new client. I've also got bruising near my elbow, which Bell kindly pointed out while she was babysitting me - amusing me and buying me chocolate on my days off realjob! I must have fallen in the oddest way.

I've also got the most horrendous bruising on my boobs. Which I hadn't expected but it was after my hotel tit job. This guy loved my breasts too much it seems and I was too blissed out to notice, or stop him.

So given all of that, and the feeling of pushing too hard, I decided to totally ignore my sex work. Except that $100 Diet Coke guy was emailing me every few mins with a blank email and a begging subject line. Sigh. I finally explained why I was saying no, in nice terms. He writes back that "pushing boundaries is his nature" but it doesn't mean disrespect.

Yeah. Like I'd want a boundary pusher in my house while I'm naked. Pffft. No thanks buddy. Although if he does get close to the $1000 an hour mark again then I'll do it with a big body guard maybe thirty cms from my bed. Ha. One who will crack skulls if he "pushes boundaries".

I was so determined to just chill out and recover that when my filth phone rang over and over today I kept ignoring it. Finally I answered. It was Client #7 - he of the Seriously Whack Sperm.

He was close by and wanted to pop in - in FIVE mins.

What they hey. As soon as I decide to turn my back for a break - a repeat client. Easy, safe, likely no sex involved. I tried to delay him a bit so I could have a shower but he said just to greet him in my casual clothes and shower with him.

Wow..he's grown some balls since the epic fail of last time. Has demands and ideas. Nice.

Slight drama when he goes to open the wrong door and is about to walk in on my lurking flatmate, rather than the bathroom. EEK.

So we shower - and it's like hanging with an old friend. It's that tradie vibe again - he's pretty cool. We laugh, he lectures me on eating more vegetables so I don't bruise so easily and we soap each other up and down and have fun in the shower a bit.

So he's full of fun and suggestions. I love it that now that he's more comfortable he wants to play. He wants to try fisting. And cause I'm up for it with my new silicone lubes we have a play. Fun. Get pretty close to full fisting since his hands are small. Then he wants some anal play on him. Yay. Then a head job. Easy.

Finally he jerks off to come. It's not as white or weird as last time. Maybe his wife is actually putting out for a change (meow!)

I'm close enough to an orgasm that I ask him if he minds - and I use the vibrator and I'm done in like sixty seconds. He watches and appreciates the show.

Then he tells me his grand plan. He wants to be an escort or a sensual massage guy. He wants me to run the bookings and ads and take whatever cut I want.

OMG. He wants me to be his Madam! His Pimp! God - I've ALWAYS secretly wanted to be a brothel madam. Of course I say I'll give it a go. Not likely much call for a male escort who isn't into guys - but who knows!

I'll need to scrub him up a bit, give him a name and a personality to market (the pocket sized tradie? Mmmm)

This is all such a fun distraction from reallife.


So..I just booked a three week summer holiday to Hawaii. And I am, of course, curious about sex work there. I'm kinda tempted. All those tourists and GI Joe boys....

But..given where I am my whoring is legal...I'm much too freaked by compulsive viewing of Law and Order episodes to think I wouldn't get entrapped or arrested or tracked down on Craigslist.

I've already research to find the fines are like $500 or community service or up to 30 days jail. Which isn't a lot. BUT..that would be very hard to explain to my reallife boss. Oh, I can't come home you see - I'm in JAIL!

Thoughts? Suggestions? Hints?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Amusing myself

I just got a reply from Mr Cheese to my anon massage ad. He wants to come massage me.

I couldn't help it. I replied:

No thanks.



God Bless the Internet

You know that Enid Blyton book The Faraway Tree? Where you could climb to the top and all sorts of different worlds would whizz over the tree and you could pick and choose your worlds and treats?

That's what the web is like for me. I reach in and see what I can find.

The cleaning ads haven't gone too well so far. One guy wants to do all of my ironing and the only payment he would like is to tweak his nipples every now and then. That's a fair trade I think. Never mind I haven't ironed a bloody thing for over five years. I have plenty of things that should be ironed - I just wear them wrinkled, or throw them in the dryer to be passable.

But the real need is my bathroom and floors and the like - the things that are hard to hobble and do. I found one super keen guy - but he's not free for another few weeks. He wants to be watched and told to get naked and then he'll clean.

Not sure I'll last another few weeks in a messy house so am paying a cleaner tomorrow. Damn it. I have to be legit and hand over cash.

After cleaning I moved on to trying to find someone to come to my house and give me a lovely massage - my muscles all over are a bit sore from being off balance I think. Within hours I had almost a hundred replies. Fun. Just like Christmas with a million new possible adventures. And in the middle there - an ex-lover. One who had turned out to be married and lied his arse off about it for many months in a very convincing way. He had replied to my ad after swearing no more cheating on his wife.

Fuck it. I broke my own rule. I wanted a massage and if I replied to the ex lover and told him who I was then I wouldn't have to worry about safety with a stranger in my house. I could just ignore the fact I knew he was married for one day only I decided. Besides. It was ONLY a massage.

Yeah right.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Notes from the Couch

Thanks all for your well wishes. I am parking my butt and trying not to hobble as some of you said - that may just make it a more damaging injury - I've got that into my head now!!

SplenDaddy wanted to see me this weekend before flying out of the country for a few weeks but when I told him I'd love some easy going sex and explained about the ankle he went all cold. Said, sorry about the ankle, but I don't want to have sex with you if you're injured.

OUCH. Way to cut a girl. I was a bit shocked and then I was like, duh, we're nothing more than sex toys to each other and I'm not a fully functional sex toy at the moment so fair enough. He doesn't owe me anything. If I want flowers and a cup of tea bought to me in bed I need to find a lover or boyfriend. Timely reminder to help me keep those barriers in place!

So I figured there is only one thing I can do to amuse myself on the couch - and that's get naked house cleaning boys in to do all of my cleaning and chores. I've always been curious about those guys that advertise their fantasy as nothing more than getting naked and cleaning in front of a clothed girl...silly idiots don't even want cash for it.

Should be a laugh I think.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The very real dangers of sex work and Client #12

I agreed to go to a hotel room last night to live out a ten minute fantasy for a young guy. He'd stood me up once before but this time it seemed totally legit - phone confirmation and details of the hotel and everything. In his photo he looked super, super hot.

We met downstairs and he was stunning. The hotel was also out of this world. I didn't call Bell for a safecall since it was only ten minutes and I felt safe meeting him in this hotel lobby. Gut feeling was beyond saying Hell Yeah. It was saying, I want to fuck him and I'll pay him for it! Probably silly to decide a serial killer can't be rich or goodlooking and charming, right? So I will go back to safecalls in future, never fear. My hormones were raging out of control.

The twist - he only wanted me to kneel before him so he could titty fuck me. Spanish. Nothing more. And he spent the whole time telling me what a goddess I was. He was so stunning I did sneak a quick suck of his cock (which was beautiful) but then I complied with his fantasy and he blew all over me I was out the door in record time, totally turned on and wet, almost panting with wanting more.

I was laughing at myself while walking down the street and trying to make my shirt look less boobalicous and more respectable - while also trying to tuck the cash away. Then my ankle started to roll in my high heels. I tried to stop it but then there was a really horrid buckling sensation and smack - I hit the pavement.

Major humiliation outside this hotel. A lovely couple rushed to help me and I was so so embarrassed after a few minutes of lying on the pavement speechless in pain with my boobs half hanging out I kind of told them I was okay - until I limped around the corner to see horrid muscle all sticking out in the wrong places. There was nothing for it - I had to call an ambulance.

Total embarrassment complete. Being stretchered off the pavement. Cum stains barely hidden under the shirt. Not sure I convinced paramedics of my story about meeting a friend for the movies (um..yes, the cinema is like fifteen minutes away, Sherlock. I am a bad liar in times of stress and pain it turns out)

So..four hours later and a few x-rays and it turns out that falling off the heels has broken some ligaments near my ankle.

They don't teach you these dangers in sex worker school do they?! Ha.

Sean came to pick me up at the hospital and was telling me it's a workers comp claim -if I had insured my sex work. Funny bastard. Cheered me up no end.

I'm now on the couch for a few days at least. Supposed to be on crutches for two weeks but know I won't be bothered. Already am hobbling round.

Worst thing is I can't drive. So no outcalls unless they give me cab fare and they are turned on by cripples.

On the positive side - there has to be fetish money in this - or a use for my nurses outfit.

Why I want to keep SplenDaddy

So with the comments running at something like 4 to 1 against I have found a few other useful reasons to keep SplenDaddy..

1) Twice now I have been set to do client bookings with guys I wasn't really into. They were okay, I was in the mood for sex, but not excited by the client. So I have used SplenDaddy to fuck me, thus giving me the excuse of "oh, I've had an orgasm already now" and then I can turn down the client and feel already sexually satisfied. Hmm...that move does cost me money but I'm not really into this whole escort thing just for cash. He's like my sexual scapegoat.

2) I wrote him an email saying I'd like a bit more affection or cuddling and he immediately stepped up the game. I guess he's becoming more like a real lover.

3) Best sex ever. My nurse uniform arrived, he ordered me to wait downstairs in my lunchtime, picked me up, drove me home - explaining his plan. He tied me up, in a position where I was fully exposed for his cock. He fucked me senseless while talking dirty and making me beg for his cock. Grabbed the lube, pretty much fisted me while calling me names and then when I was just begging and begging for him to cum ( since I love watching it) he came all over me and rubbed it in. Then told me to get dressed and dropped me back at work. Oh, yes, and he did have a quick shower. My total fantasy played out and it was better than I'd thought.

4) Jewellery from a business trip overseas. I'm shallow.

Note to Self

When catching a bus into the city for an outcall do not choose a thriller to read in which an undercover PI is playing a prostitute. Firstly you will laugh when she complains about having to suck a penis, then you will freak the fuck out when you read the scenes where she gets beaten and nearly killed and you will start to wonder if all clients are really most wanted mafioso bosses.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The $100 Diet Coke

Email is a bastard. The best quote I've read about communicating online is that is gives everyone a version of autism - an inability to read facial signals and figure out intended meanings. This is why smiley faces and LOL and the like are over-used. To convey intention.

When you're trying to figure out if you're going to let a stranger into your house for sex then making sure you're okay with the email vibe is super important. Some girls use the phone for this but I find that messes things up even more.

It turns out sometimes you just can't tell. Last week a guy emailed a reply to my hustling spam and it started off fine. Then he decided he wanted super, super, kinky sex. It would have pushed my limits - but I was in a limit pushing mood so I indulged in some back and forward email.

He wouldn't send a photo though and was over fifty. And didn't respect my decision not to see him without a photo. He asked me to call him on his mobile, or at work, or meet him in a pub - anything so that I would say yes.

He started getting pushy. Then he started offering more and more money. Some sort of power game - and given the sex was going to be about power and kink, I started to get wary. Eventually he pushed me over the edge by telling me that for a certain amount of dollars, I should do anal.

Nobody tells me what I can and can't do. So I cut him off.

Then he realised he's been a cunt so he offered me more than $1000 for two hours and dropped the anal idea. He explained he was just frustrated and super eager and I started to think I'd over reacted and then I decided he was worth seeing. Did the money influence that decision? I'd like to say no, but that would be a lie. I did accept his apology and explanation but the money also sealed the deal.

Trouble is - he didn't show cause he hadn't got my address in time. He thought I had just led him on. So the next day he was determined to prove I was for real.

Again, he wanted to meet in a pub. I told him I wouldn't waste my time. He had finally sent a pic, I thought he was fuckable and I was ready to go. But no. He wasn't convinced. He offered me $100 to walk to the watering hole closest to my house and meet him for a drink.

It was like a bet. He thought he'd turn up and I would not. I knew I'd turn up and then at least I'd figure out if he was a serial killer or not with these dumb games.

I got there early, picked a spot close to the door and ordered my own drink (just in case he was planning on slipping me something). He did turn up. He gave me $100 and we eyed each other over drinks.

He was keen, but I still couldn't decide. I noticed he had really,really big hands and when walking out of the venue he gave me a bit of a back massage. It was heaven - but there was part of me imagining what would happen if he wanted to put those hands on my throat alone in my house.

I ummed and arrhed all of yesterday. I made an appointment - then made an excuse and cancelled it. It's the first time my gut feeling was really on the fence. Could have been great sex, could have murdered me and I just could not figure it out.

When I did cancel he went off a bit ranty and power trippy again and tried to play with my mind and convince me I was wrong etc. At last. That flipped over the gut feeling into Fuck No territory. I had not read his first round of emails the wrong way. He was way out of line.

And thus a new rule has been born. If your gut is undecided - still walk away. Better to be safe than sorry and all of those cliches.

So I earned $100 for drinking a diet coke, and learning a lesson. Nice.

Sex Worker Blogs

I was asked in a comment for some good sex worker blogs. Here are some blogs I love and check out all the time:

My hands down fave writer is Grace Undressed. She is a gorgeous, gorgeous writer and has moved me almost to tears in the past.

Other blogs I like to check out are kinda sex related, but not all about sex work necessarily:

The Reverse Cowgirl - She ran a project last year with Letters from Working Girls too.


Miss Calico

My Name is Lux

College Callgirl (she has a great list of other links under "My Ho's" although that misplaced apostrophe does indeed suggest she should pay more attention in college, and less attention when giving blow jobs)

And if you are on a roll check out "Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2008"

If you follow the links you find on those pages for starters you'll be reading about sex for the rest of the year!

Ask Curvy

So I decided I'd add a bit of MSN chat into the mix - lets the guys ask all their questions rather than email back and forward. And in less than five minutes I can tell if they are serious about booking.

Here are the funniest questions today - and my answers!

Can I try before I buy?

Um, no.

You are really good looking. Good looking girls don't need to sell their bodies. Why do you do this?

Well..good looking girls may *want* to sell their bodies for a good amount of cash, for whatever reason they like. Why have NSA hook-ups that I'd do anyhow, when I can do the same and make a nice little sideline out of it?

No really. Only ugly girls sell their bodies to men who need to pay for it.

Ahhh..this is the crux of your issue. You think some men "need" to pay for it, thus being some sort of sub par human that can't get it for free. Therefore they are ugly and then only ugly girls are dumb enough to service these horrors. This, my friend, is a failure of logic based on your wrong assumptions.

I still don't get it.

Never go into business then buddy. You don't get supply and demand type ideas, nor the idea of free will in this world.

Swallow? Facial? Anal?

Some guys think if they do pay then they get to treat you like a piece of meat and do anything they think of. Being of small imaginations sometimes the only thing they can think of is anal and cum guzzling. (I didn't actually say that in my chat- but I thought it). This proves they are the type of client to avoid!

For me - it's all about respect. And yes, if the trust is there and I build a relationship with a client I am much more willing to do anal, or facials. But not for some idiot off the street who is waving $100 and can't figure why I won't jump for it.

Another unrelated question from a reader:

What's the legal status for your work?

This is kind of important - if you are reading this blog and thinking about going into sex work please note that where I am it's LEGAL. There are all sorts of rules like - it's only legal if it's one girl working from a private residence. Otherwise you get classed as a brothel. And brothels need approval. And the approval process is stupid. So there are tonnes of illegal brothels. Mind you, if I had a friend over, who also saw a client in my house, that would make me an illegal brothel! It's a dumb law cause it encourages girls to work alone which is not good for safety, but it's a step in legalizing everything I guess.

The good news is - it's not a police matter if you are an illegal brothel. It's a local government matter and the worst thing is you can be asked to stop doing it, or fined if you ignore that direction. Easy. Police are only involved if they think it's women being forced to work against their will.

My biggest risk is perhaps my landlord finding out and not being happy and me being asked to leave. But I am the perfect tenant and pay rent on time and fix things around the house myself. Having the odd gentleman caller is not likely to draw attention to myself.

Other than that -safety is the big issue for me.

Mr Cheese


Mr Cheese - who tried to book on V day, then tried to make me more than halve my rates, then tried other fake email addresses - is back tonight. Begging to see me. Telling me how bad the service was with his cheap hooker last week.

I tried to explain the risks of ultra low price workers - maybe sex slaves against their will, maybe illegal brothels, maybe pimps, maybe disease or blackmail or drugs or who knows what... but he didn't listen.

I feel for whoever the girl is that he saw. I mean we're all whores, but her situation must be dire with those rates. I wish I could help. The only thing I can think is it might be time for me to join the local whores union. Yes, we have a union. Maybe I can start to volunteer or get active in the community or something.

Anyhow..back to Mr Cheese...

Now there is a email every few minutes with him whining. I took great pleasure in turning him down the first few times, then ignoring him. It's his lesson for the day.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


How fierce is this cover!? Via Big Fat Deal, who had it via Style Slacker.'s photoshopped as all fuck but so is every photo shoot these days!


Comment of the day today from my email to a new agency:

"I'm happy to have a BBW on our books, but I hope you understand that from a marketing perspective I would like our first lady to have very broad appeal rather than appeal to a niche market."

SplenDaddy Speculations

I'm back from my mini-break. Kinda a bit confused about whether I should continue with SplenDaddy or not... the balance between sex work and reallife is delicate and this scenario is messing up my dividing lines.

I'm going to list pros and cons and welcome any feedback. If someone could make the decision for me that would be nice. Ha.

Pro: Hot diggity dog sex. Some of the hottest I've had in a long time. I'm so cock hungry for his gorgeous member that I'd cut it off and spoon it if I could. Or shove it up a nostril, or in an ear, if it would fit. I cannot get enough of this guy in the bed.

Con: His wonderful cock is stuck to a somewhat passionless man. He sucks at warm up for sex - not very affectionate before foreplay starts and not even very affectionate after sex. Plus he's That Shower Guy from Sex in the City - the one that always has to shower after sex - urgently. In fact he spends more time in the bath room several times a day then anyone I've ever met. Even a call for kinky office sex in my lunch hour saw him folding his goddamn pants over a chair and lining up his shoes.

Pro: Always immaculately presented and wonderful smelling. Lack of affection maybe balanced out my sweet gestures like romantic getaway location (a honeymooners place last night!!) and nice emails.

Con: There is no money in this for me.

Pro: There are great escapes from real life and wonderful suspensions of decision making as well as forcible removal from phones and laptops and the net etc. I feel at peace after a trip away (well, when I'm not analysing the fuck out of it)

Con: He snores. And it's hardly nice to have to stick a finger in an ear to try and sleep.

Pro: He snores but I'm in a luxury bed in a gorgeous location all fulfilled after sex, fine food, lovely drinks and more sex.

Con: The more sex we have the more my oxytocin is going to kick in, the more cuddling I will want and the more this faux-intimacy may start to remind me of what I'm missing by being single and it might blow the cap on my "I don't want a relationship" vibe and I will all of a sudden be obsessed with finding a lover to hold me and love me. Blurgh.

Pro: Thinking about him is at least stopping me from dating before I'm ready after a fucked up break up. The small bits of intimacy may hold me over until my heart is healed and I can dump him, reconsider the sex work and then put my self on the market.

Con. He's kinda dull and our conversations are boring and I'm looking over my shoulder at dinner for some excitement.

Pro: That cock. In me. His soft lips. On me.

Hustle Over

So my profiles on the internet dating sites have been taken down. I'm so amazed it took more than three days for someone to throw a tanty about me wanting money and report me. The sites themselves are pretty slack too I guess with patrolling this stuff - in three days I got hundreds of enquires and a few good potential clients. So far I've only made $100 bucks from my hustle (story to come) but even if you figure I spend the equivalent of one work day baiting the cock-shot-senders-and-NSA-seekers that's not bad!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Mid Week Break

So after work today SplenDaddy is picking me up and whisking me away somewhere for the night. At first he was just going to visit me at my house and leave a cash gift, but I don't think he's a fan of leaving money - really wants to do the "spoiling me" thing. Which is okay, I guess. I just find it hard to relax and be totally spoilt and looked after and not convert what that could have meant I'd earned in cash lol.

I was reading somewhere about the Sugar Daddy thing and how someone had analysed when you add up the value of it, it never does approach straight escort work as far as rewards go. Which is seeming true. But SplenDaddy at least is also fulfilling some of my intimacy needs - hola spooning! Back tickles! And it's forced relaxation too - which I need.

I told my brother I was being taken away to destinations unknown for a sexy getaway and he was all sarcastic, "Yeah, just like in the horror movie, Hostel, where those girls where all whisked away somewhere romantic too. "

Gee, thanks, Bro.

That's what friends are for...

Bell told me to basically pull my head in tonight. To remind me to take it easy and not rush forward with my goal of saving money- at the risk of safety and a balanced life. Fair call. Not only has my four-beers-rule slid out the door of late, I'm also kinda happy to blow off friends at the last minute for the hope of a big booking.

Not cool, I agree. Consider my good self reprimanded.

Here we go again...

A new agency starting up and look at their requirements:

18-25 years old (ID required)
Preferably Available up to 4 days per week
Be willing to undertake Escort or Dancer/Topless Waitress Work
Be disease free (certificate required)
Have professional photo/s
Be flexible with bookings and available at short notice
Be attractive and well presented
Dress Size 8-14

Gee..another agency with young, thin gals. Boring. Yawn.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

V Day Summary

Valentine's Day in the end was a clusterfuck. But a funny one. Spend the first half of the day in my lingerie and bathrobe waiting for Client #11. He wanted to do a repeat of his amyl-sniffing-missionary ways. I charged him a fortune again! Yay! He was much better behaved after his stupid outbursts the day before when he finally turned up.

In fact, I think he's very keen on me. Turns out he has just been made redundant and is reestablishing his lifestyle by remote working in Peru. He got out his diary and began negotiations for me to visit for a week in Lima. I've always wanted to see Peru so we struck a deal - if he paid for an all inclusive week long holiday with spending money, I'd lay in missionary position as much as he wanted for a week. Ha. Candy from babies if he really goes through with that holiday.

Later that day he sent me a message along the lines of "My last girlfriend hated it when I forgot to say happy Valentine's Day. And I did forget today. So sorry.."

WAH. Maybe rethink holiday. He thinks I'm a girlfriend? For realz? Poor deluded boy.

After he left I then had an argument with "Mr Cheese" the guy who ended all of his emails with "cheese" not "cheers". He tried to barter me against some other sex worker who does "everything for $100/hr". Whatever buddy - get lost.

Later that day from two new email addresses I also got "new client" enquiries. From someone who ended their email with "cheese". Ha. Ha. Ha. He cut off his nose to spite his penis or something. He didn't get laid by anyone.

Mr Silver Fox, Golden Shower also didn't confirm. After all of that research and advice from you all on pee play.

I ended up going out for a V Day diner with my gay best friend, Sean. We laughed at all of the couples. Afterwards he dropped me home for an 11pm client - and he went home to text a fuck buddy. Yo. Way to subvert the most romantic day of the year.

Of course, Mr 11pm didn't show either. Then Client #11 texted wanting to see me at 8am Sunday on his way to the airport to leave for Peru.

I fell asleep about midnight, only to be woken at 6am by a text. Client #11 couldn't make it cause his parents were driving him to the airport. I could keep the amyl he said.

Absolute. Cluster. Fuck. Hilarious.

Real Life Ethics vs Sex Work Ethics

I've been meaning to post about this topic for a while...and the last post reminded me again. Over the months I've been doing my sideline escort hobby I've started to develop a fairly rock solid set of guidelines to divide my real life from the sex work.

1) Married clients are only okay for paid gigs. I no longer sleep with married or partnered men in my personal life and if I find out casual lovers have been lying about that then I dump them.

2) Casual lovers do know about the paid stuff so they know who they are sleeping with and what they are possibly getting involved with.

3) I have a few names I use of course - and only reallife lovers know my reallife story. They may know enough to track me down if they wanted to google-stalk me. Whatever I tell clients, I try and never give away enough detail that I become google-stalkable. SplenDaddy is the exception here cause I travel with him so he's seen my travel documents.

4) The hustling I described in the last email and other shady behaviour - this does not usually touch my reallife. Yes, the odd rush out in lunch hour to see a client, but I still manage to pay my bills, call my parents, go to family events, see my friends, love my cats, and complete a professional dayjob.

Any other questions you have fire away!!

Bad, Bad Girl

It's ovulation week which of course means I'm seeing dollar signs for sex and wanting to cash in while my body is in the mood - with my double bagged cervix of course ;-)

But I don't like direct advertising all of the time - escort ads end up drowning in other escort ads within minutes and I always feel exposed. So I've hit upon the worst way of pinpointing men who love curves. I'm basically hustling on the online hook-up sites.

Classic bait and switch. I have a hot-for-you-BBW profile and these guys trip over themselves to give me email addresses. Or I give them an email address to "swap pics at" and then get their email address that way.

Then I simply copy and paste addresses into excel and wait; and wait; and wait; until I've got a few hundred. Then do a BCC email with a story about me.

Sure I get my fair share of abuse from boys who feel like they've been used. And the "real me" feels horrible that I'm doing this kind of sleazy, scuzzy behaviour. But then I just think to myself - hang on, these idiots are mostly married and just looking for a NSA fuck, sending you cock shots and the like - they aren't exactly above-board types themselves.

I mean, I do BCC them so no one knows their address - better than most spammers. And if they aren't interested or don't reply saying they are keen to know my prices I never bother them again. So it's a once off hustle. Which is mostly harmless I guess.

I've done it a couple of times on various websites and I have had outstanding results. Lots of interest and many potential new clients reply. Some very glad to know at least they can finally get BBW lovin' when they want it!

Hmmmm. Still feel guilty.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ask Curvy

So Anon. left a few questions, and I'm also getting emails with questions that I've been answering so I'm going to start an "Ask Curvy" post every now and then.

So..if there is anything you want to ask me, about anything, then I'll do my best to answer. I'm also happy to give advice if I can. Now, remember, I've got no qualifications that are relevant for this, just my own sense of humour and experience. But I love Dan Savage and Cary Tennis to death, and if they can advise people then why the hell can't I?!

So...the questions:

Do you know the feeling of being in a relationship and just not being bothered having sex? Do you ever feel like that with clients yet?

I have had long relationships and I've gone through stages where I'd rather watch TV than shag. Or even do the dishes. So I know that feeling. And yes, I have had that with clients at times. A little bored, a little distracted, not really "in the moment". But I'm only usually seeing a few clients a week and if I start to notice those feelings creeping in then I just turn down bookings.

And if I really want the money then I kinda have a routine that gets me into the mood. Getting my room ready, picking an outfit, laying out condoms, picking music, adjusting lighting. All of this starts to get me a little excited about whatever adventure is about to happen.

Also I reckon that many of the men I sleep with are actually below-par in the bedroom, hence seeing a working gal. So sometimes they are just crap in bed, and I just work on the blog in my head ;-)

Do you think you will go full time?

It depends what "full time" means. I mean - I could probably do 3-4 hours a week with client bookings and that equals my realjob salary! So sure, it's tempting sometimes to think I could quit the day job and never have to worry again. But the reality is that would be a very isolating life, and risky - if I didn't get my 3-4 hours of clients how would I pay my rent etc. Also then I'd be hungry for the money and maybe then do dumb things - see dodgy clients or not trust my gut, cause I needed the money!

If you mean full time like seeing several clients a day, every day - no way. As long as this sideline is fun and I feel okay about it then I'll keep doing it. But I don't think I could handle multiple partners daily at this stage without starting to lose the quality of my service.

What are you doing with all your new money?

I want to take advantage of the recession really. I'm getting the feeling that in the next year or so it could be now or never to buy a house or apartment - interest rates so low, values crashing. I mean I feel sorry for everyone who is caught in this mess, but a recession is sometimes the best way to buy into shares, a business or real estate - cause when the next boom comes (and it will eventually) I'll be in the perfect position.

I've set myself a goal to save $20 000 in a year. I have to spend some of my earnings on things like photo shoots and costumes and body care but I do try and save most of it. I think having a goal too makes me think this is a short term sideline, and reminds me to make the most of my money before I get sick of all the sex-for-cash.



Client #11

About an hour after my Valentine's email went out I heard from a guy who had been one of my first potential clients - way back at the beginning.

He wanted to come over straight away. He warned me that he did want to sniff amyl while having sex and I said in that case he could pay the original rates we'd decided on months ago, rather than my V Day special. Made it sound like a bit of a big deal. The great thing was - back when I was really new I had gone through a stage of charging almost twice as much as I do now.

Yay me. Mega dollars.

So he arrived and he was as his photo had shown - a small, round, short, Buddha looking Chinese-Malaysian guy. In kung fu shoes no less. With a backpack like he'd come from school. He was also giggly and somewhat stoned.

Into the shower he goes. He asks if I do massage, and although I've never given a sensual massage I figure I just oil him up, get mostly naked and do some body glides and such. Within minutes of course he was turned on and ready for action.

Cause of the amyl sniffing he wanted missionary position which was great. I never get to do that these days! I got comfortable and then he started to fuck like a jack rabbit and sniff away. It turned him almost into a human vibrator or dildo which was quite a nice feeling.

I've never slept with an Asian guy and was trying really hard not to stereotype. He did bring up the pressures of being the only Asian kid, and being hothoused at school and home to do well academically etc etc - but no way did I assume anything about him. But did that stop him assuming stuff about me? No bloody way.

He said something than turned my blood to ice.

"I love to fuck fat's my version of safe sex. Cause, you know, it's not like fat girls get much action so they aren't likely to have any diseases."

Well, it's no wonder this boy doesn't have girlfriends if he's dating curvy gals and then hitting them with this opinion. I wanted to stand up for all of us fatties. I wanted to scream, to hit him, to throw him out. But the trouble was - he didn't mean to insult me. It was just a well-known fact, according to him. Then he went onto the usual stereotypes of fat girls being warm, friendly, loving, nice, not bitchy.

I found myself agreeing with him, just trying to shut him up and get back to the fucking. My internal monologue was really going along these lines:

"You amyl-sniffing asshole, tossmonkey, dipstick, loser boy, I hate you on behalf of big girls everywhere ..."

Hardly fucking warm and friendly like he thought I was. But I guess I'm getting paid not to express my opinions as such, but to be what he wants me to be. I mean, when I can, I educate, but some folk are beyond redemption.

My revenge was funny. With his jack-rabbit, consistent pounding I actually found myself about to have an orgasm in freakin' missionary position - with his smallish penis actually hitting a good angle. But damned if I was going to let him know. So I kinda had the worlds quietest orgasm cause I didn't want him to think he was good in bed. Ha.

Then he tried to go down on me. But got all chatty while in my lady garden and kept stopping to look up and me and philosophise. At one point he was trying to locate my clit, and failing, and he starts on a rant about not understanding lesbians, because surely anyone would just be happy to use a cock, especially if they are the type of lesbian to use a dildo.

I used every bit of willpower in my body not to yell - "Well for STARTERS. A fucking lesbian could find my CLIT. And probably wouldn't want to talk to me while muff-diving."

Where on earth do these men come from, honestly?!

Random Thought #5

I just found the funniest web site.
- it promises to track your sex life and sexual partners. I'm a statistics geek so I'm going to join up and give it a go for the fun of it!

I think it will dovetail nicely with another site I've been using about 4 years now. - it's a site that tracks your periods and predicts ovulation and bleeding. Now of course it's meant for couples trying to have kids but I've set up the email notifications to warn me a few days before ovulation. Cause that's my mega-horny time and also the best time to do paid sex work so that I enjoy it.

I've then set it up to tell me about a week before my period is due so that I can remind myself why I'm behaving like a cuntyface - ahhhh, bad PMS. Then I usually lay off any sex work for a week or two.

I've been using it for years now because you can always tweek the notifications so that it suits being in a relationship - you can warn your other half - which has been useful in the past!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Random Thought #4

I just bought this outfit on ebay. It looks like fun. Comfy too - all stretch which is good for curves, and it looks a bit tongue-in-cheek and sexy. Plus with proper sleeves it allows you to wear a decent bra underneath! And the bit of flair at the bottom may make it flatter thighs.

SplenDaddy requested a nurse fantasy so I thought it time to invest in a new outfit. Most guys love the nurse idea anyway - I've had plenty of requests.

If anyone ever comes across good sites for plus size lingerie or costumes that are reasonably priced let me know! I hate paying a fortune just cause I'm bigger!

Random Thought #3

This sideline of mine has really connected me to my body in a way nothing else has. While sitting this morning waiting for a client running late I felt so positive about my body it was almost like a physical force in the room. I was in lovely lingerie and a nice fluffy bath robe. I'd showered and shaved and used nice skin and hair care products and was almost glowing with sensuality.

These days it's part and parcel of my routine to consider waxing and manicures and pedicures and hair cuts and tan lines and facials and moisturizing.

I even tried running my hand over my curves and considering them from a male point of view - soft and smooth. Not fat, and gross and worth hiding - like society teaches big gals.

It really is like Fabienne in Pulp Fiction says to Bruce Willis' character. "It’s unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same."

Random Thought #2

It's time I face reality. My four-beers-or-less fuckability test has been stretched. Going through my archives to do my mailout (spam) I realised I would now easily consider fucking some of the earlier rejects.

I guess like in any job tasks that seem impossible at first become routine and comfortable.

Random Thought #1

So I had to race to the local daggy supermarket to get toilet paper. On Valentine's Day, in between clients. I realised I hadn't really eaten much but couldn't be bothered thinking so grabbed McDonalds.

There I was, a fat girl, sitting alone on the most romantic day of the year, wolfing down cheeseburger and fries, all alone and in a hoody and tracksuit, in a food court with hair askew.

Normally if I'd see someone like that I'd think a few things. Like "poor gal, needs a make over, " or "she looks lonely," or even, "bet she shoves in bad food like that all of the time."

Just cause I'm plus size doesn't mean I don't think those uncharitable thoughts about other fatties at times!

Today though the reality was different. No one would ever guess I was wolfing down the first food all day, in between orgasms, wearing a $300 set of bra and knickers under the tracksuit, zonked out and happy on sex endorphins, and with nearly a grand to be banked for a few hours of Valentine's Day fun.

One should never assume *anything* in this world.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Fallout from Porn Making

1) My houseguest is peeved at me since the porn/photographer dude and I knocked out the wifi Internet by mistake and he thought he should stay in his room and not come and ask me to fix it. Also he needed to pee and didn't leave the room cause I'd said, "I'll shut the door on you while I have a guest."

I told him during our argument that of course I didn't expect him to stay there the WHOLE time and wasn't saying he couldn't fucking use the bathroom but he started this passive aggressive "Oh, but you didn't tell me I could use the toilet".

What, he's my gimp now and can't act without instruction?!

2) I managed to spill a bottle of massage oil over my leather real job handbag and ruin it. Went to work today with everything shoved into a plastic bag. Classy.

3) I put my school girl costume socks into the wash and dryer by mistake - the elastic frayed and got caught and kinda melted around ALL of my clothes.

Jeez. It really is hard managing this porn superstar life sometimes. Ha.

Valentine's Day Madness??

Tomorrow is V Day, and I'm nothing if not a well rounded whore. I used my sales and marketing skills from a previous life to make a contact list of potential clients out of my archives. And then I sent a Valentine's Day special email, "Everyone deserves some lovin".

I didn't reduce my rates too much really - just a nice seductive picture and a bit of a recap on how wonderful I am (ha. ha.)

Am now drowning in emails. And I've said yes to FOUR people for tomorrow. Mostly cause I think they'll all cancel.

I've only ever had sex with one client a day so if these four actually follow through I'm in trouble. They are such an odd bunch too.

1) Claims to be an 18 year old virgin. Uhuh. Will check ID just to make sure it's not statutory rape, but I doubt the virgin bit. I think it may be a common fantasy to pretend that but that's just gut feeling.

2) An Asian guy with bad written English who wants to bring me flowers and ends all of his emails with "cheese" when I think he means "cheers".

3) Older silver fox type guy who wants a golden shower on his face. I've not done that before and told him I may have performance anxiety but he offered a wad of extra cash so I'm going to drink my body weight in water and attempt to pee on him on my bathroom floor. Trying to not be judgemental but EWWWWW.

4) A guy who wants me overnight to actually have a V Day date. Awwwww.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Well, his name wasn't Zack and I'm not Miri, but the bumblefuckery of today continued almost to midnight - and now I'm tucked up in bed writing this.

I was home after my frantic day of cock breath and changing in bathrooms and I was just personal ad fishing. Answering dodgy ads, placing dodgy ads, being generally dodgy.

This guy and I start talking about him wanting a plus size model to shoot for a possible ad for a high class sex shop in another city. They had a model drop out, he needs to shoot tonight, blah blah, no money unless our photos get picked but he has other projects up his sleeve blah blah.

My internal warning signal is going off with a whoop-whoop. Sounds like he's full of BS but something also tells me he's harmless, so I invite him over for a photo shoot on the spur of the moment. Feeling safe cause I've got my great hulking house guest home in case the guy is really wacko.

Actually - he's the mirror image of me. Pudgy, serious day job, secret life on the side. He's an adult industry photographer and sensual massage therapist. Sorta Escort-Lite cause he only gives hand jobs to ladies.

Hard to know what to make of his sales pitch. He thought he was being quite smooth I think - but I could see where it was gonna end. Naked in bed with him getting his rocks off. He was about as believable as a kid caught with their face full of crumbs who swears they didn't steal the cookies.

Lines like - "oh, I'll just position you" and "I'll help get that nipple erect" and even "no, we've got to get your pussy wet, lube just looks fake" Mind you, that last line shows I wasn't exactly resisting. Sure, we did the photo shoot as planned but then he talked me into doing some porn shots. Oh, go on, twist my rubber arm.

Ha. I love doing photographs. Being told I'm stunning. Watching the photographer struggling to say he's all professional with a raging hard on. It's quite the reverse control game, pretending I'm all submissive and being talked into the shots, while inside I'm snorting with laughter as to how see through the guy is.

Sure enough...we go so far as to make a mini-porno. The guy was not porno-sized and my head was bumping his belly. He kept saying I was covering too much of the action with my hands and I felt like saying, Duh, you have LESS than a handful!

He wanted to give me a facial for the grand finale but when he said the word "ok" softly without any other groaning or warning I wasn't sure what he meant so didn't stop. And you guessed it. Got a mouth full of cum for the freakin' second time in one day.

I lost the plot. Laughed and spread it all over his legs after spitting it out and told him we were a complete fuckup of a porn couple. He wasn't too impressed.

So..either this guy gamed me and the whole two hour shoot was a way to get his own spank bank photos and get a happy ending, or he's a legit entry into the world of porn and adult photo shoots. Either way I don't really care. I'm not actually sure I even want to sell pics with my face on them, let alone do a porn.

It was an adventure on a whim. There is a slim chance I'll make some big bucks from it all and if not then I just gamed him in return - cause I have a copy of all of those nice shots and they'll help market my escort work quite nicely.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Cock Breath and Superhero moments

Excuse me while I just shake my head in disbelief at what I've just done. The adrenalin is running from my body now, and so far there hasn't been any fallout from my day, but I know I'm still an idiot. Perhaps you'll think so too after this post.

I slept in really late today and had to race to my therapist appointment before dayjob (yes, I'm in therapy - but the funny thing is that it's not at all about sex work and anyway who isn't in therapy these days!). So I get there late, and am still wearing the tracksuit pants I slept in. Haven't shaved since I got back from the trip with SplenDaddy. The therapist asked about my trip - since I'd had to cancel an appointment and I'd lied to him and said I was away for realjob stuff. Amazing how well I lie now.

So I finally fall through the door at my day job - looking mighty scruffy and hoping no one notices. Then I get an email from Client #6. He's horny and wants a booking. But he's being a bit of a loser about it. Sold his car so can't get to my place, has friends over and can only meet during the day and he's *really horny* he says again and it has to be today, but first he has to walk to the bank to get some cash. Sigh. I have to remind myself that the money is what equalises us - that without it I wouldn't be returning his emails.

I know he's a harmless geek though, and one of the easiest and nicest clients I've had so I try and figure out the risks of going to see him for a half hour booking on my lunch break.

Now there is the sensible part of me that knows I'll be out of the office longer than an hour with driving time. My Sensible says I shouldn't risk the day job and should stay put. But I guess I'm bored and jonesing for a bit of excitement. And I won't lie. The money is what most of my co-workers earn in a day - and I'm going to be getting that for my lunch break.

So I take the risk. And then it all turns into a comedy of bumblefuckery. I'm like the clumsiest, daftest escort sometimes. As if Bridget Jones was a whore. Or Muriel from Muriel's Wedding.

I have to drive home first - to shave and get out of the tracksuit! So I drive home and pass my bosses house - and he was standing outside of it!! Waiting for a cab for a business meeting. Fuck. I invent a lie on the spot - will tell him I had to race home in my lunch hour to let my latest house guest in since he locked himself out. I put on a cheese eating, everything-is-okay grin as I get stuck in traffic about two metres from his face. But he seemed not to see me.

Get home, fly around like an idiot and shave and try and find some clothes that are okay. Most of my nice stuff is in the wash still after SplenDaddy trip. Double Fuck. Decide to go with cute pink lace knickers that don't match my black lace bra and hope the cuteness overcomes the non-matched outfit.

Go to leave then have a thought! Should take my tracksuit with me to change back into AFTER the client so that if my boss comes back to work I'm still in the same clothes!

Then drive to his house, hopping my brief glimpse at Goggle maps was enough. Take a wrong turn, can't find street signs and finally pull up! On time!

He's home alone but his house is a mess. Nice place if he'd clean it. He doesn't want small talk and it's straight into a blow job with me naked. He turns it into a 69. I ask if he wants to move on to actual penis in vagina but he's happy enough with the blow job to continue.

Then - he gets excited with no warning and kinda cums everywhere. Some in my mouth, some on my chest. He's a bit concerned. Asks if I'm okay. I laugh. Then his phone rings and I get the sense he wants me to leave but doesn't know how to say so. I ask if I should go so he can answer the call and he nods. Jump up and get in the car - 21 mins after I'd pulled up.

On the way back to work I was trying to clean the sheen of saliva and cum of my chest but hadn't bought tissues or wipes. Gah. I snuck into the elevator with my tracksuit and then into the office bathroom.

I saw someone from Accounts on the way and started trying to come up with a story as to why I was changing out of nice skirt and low cut top INTO a tracksuit at two pm but couldn't be bothered. Just smile my hey-things-are-normal smile. I start banging around in the work bathroom in a hurry to get changed - like Superman with his phone booth.

Race back to my desk and shove my skirt and top into my bag. Along with my second phone (it has the phone number TAPED to the back of it since it's my escort phone and I never remember the number and looks mega-dodgy). Shove the fifty dollar notes into my wallet and try and look composed.

Then I realise my breath smells slightly of cock - and I have nothing for it. That sends me into a fit of giggles.

An hour later my boss rang to check his messages. Asked me what had happened while he'd been at the business lunch.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," I reply.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Dammit, Janet, I have limits.

Oh I hate it when I discover limits. I like to think I'm soooo game that I'm up for anything. But the truth is, I'm a big fat WUSS. LOL.

I answered another SugarDaddy ad. This guy was super paranoid - he had a lot of replies he said and so I had to jump through all of these hoops to even get his trust to then get his picture. He'd seen mine and was keen, so I started to get a little excited. He was fifty, and I know there can be good fifty and bad fifty and I was keeping my fingers crossed.

Then his photo came through. And I knew immediately I couldn't be seen in public with him. EEK. It would be obvious I was only with him for the money and travel. And I sure as hell wouldn't be able to sleep with him.

Damn it. How do people like Kristy Hinze pull it off without laughing? Or cringing?

This guy though is going to be da bomb for someone with a stronger stomach than me. He's offering to put his SugarBabe on the company payroll so you get a decent salary while staying is his penthouse and travelling !!! Global Financial Crisis? What Crisis?

I tried to convince my neighbour to take him on. She's struggling with her mortgage, said she's game for a SugarDaddy and is a little older than me - and very fabulous and staunch and a mad cricket fan to boot. I emailed her his picture and her reply was classic:

"Ignoring the little stain on his shirt from dropping a piece of that dessert he is eating, what godforsaken places would I have to travel with him? That picture shows him sitting on an outdoor plastic chair. I do not go to places where I need to sit on plastic chairs. I'll let that one go through to the keeper."

Friday, February 6, 2009

Welcome BFD Readers

Just a quick welcome to everyone who has found this blog from the link and post over at Big Fat Deal!

It's so strange to have readers now! The first month or so I wrote this it was just for myself. Then Bell, and Marina and Sean - my friends-in-crime. Then I started to let a few other cool folk know - including Mo at BFD.

Now here we are! Thanks for reading and thanks for your emails and comments!



Thursday, February 5, 2009

Client Request - via blog!

So I had my first email today from somebody that wanted to see me after having read the blog. I was very flattered, and tempted to see what type of guy could read what I have had to say, and still want to see me. Perhaps one that secretly wants to be written up as a client story? Or one that just likes my sense of humour? Or maybe something really mundane - perhaps it really is hard to find a quality BBW escort if you want one. And of course..I do consider myself quality ;-)

As a reader of other sex worker blogs I know that I'm not the first blogger/sex worker to be approached this way so I replied in pretty much the same way that the others have:


Thanks for your interest but as I remain anonymous in my blog I can't very well see clients who already know about my blog - since that may allow you to then identify who I am and "out" me as the author of the blog.

If you are in my city chances are you won't find my ads too hard to locate and you may see me without ever realising you have!


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Sugar Daddy Snapshots

I got back late last night from the airport and have now had time to ruminate on the last few days with Sugar Daddy #1.

It was a fabulous escape from my real life, but not a great financial move - that's my potted summary.

He isn't really a sugar daddy. He *is* kind and sweet and generous in his own way - and from his point of view he was spoiling me rotten. Airfares, taxi fares, dinners all paid for. I was in his executive suite and enjoyed access to the executive lounges for cocktails and breakfasts and snacks and magazines and what not, and he bought me whatever I wanted to drink after work too - along with thoughtful touches like putting a fruit bowl in the room for me!

He wanted to really care for me and kept double checking our dinner choice was okay, or if I wanted a cup of tea before bed, or some water, or a shower. At first I was a little overwhelmed by the attention and said yes to whatever I thought would please him most. But I got over that. I think he's just slightly neurotic and analytical in all things.

The places we went to at night weren't cheap. But he didn't actually hand over any cash as spending money. I had asked for that in early email negotiations but he either chose to ignore it, or didn't think it necessary with all of the other treats.

The thing is - I know most of his expenses go through his company so I think handing over pocket money shouldn't be an issue since that is really the only true cost to him.

The kicker is that he doesn't know I'm a part time escort who normally gets tonnes of money per hour. I just knew when I met him that he wanted the "normal gal". And a normal gal would be pretty pleased with the deal as it is. What a Catch 22. Tell him about my other life and I bet I'd lose him. But to keep up this deal I'm going to have to just be almost totally my real self. Which could be a bit dangerous if I start to actually like him or something.

The upshot is - I've decided to keep seeing him because I am getting something out of the deal too. Forced relaxation and lovely adventures for starters. All for free. Plus I'm using him for my own sexual needs.

Would you believe I've never tasted cum before? And that I've always had the fantasy of being anti-feminist in the bedroom. Like - this scene: He's watching porn. I'm half naked in kink gear, I kneel before him and give him a head job, while he watches the porn and kinda ignores me. And he blows in my mouth and I swallow.

Well - lets just say when I suggested this he was certainly keen! So, in a way, he's satisfying my fantasies too. Plus once we got to know each other he started to spoon me each night, or have me in the crook of his arm. And it was lovely. It's been a long long time since I've done something so innocent.

So I guess it almost approaches an equal relationship then - each using the other!! He took great pleasure in taking me out in a cocktail dress to a restaurant he normally eats at alone and where they know him. And I'm sure many of the other single men travelling on business and eating alone were watching us. They may have thought I was a whore (my dress was maybe a touch too booby in retrospect) or they may just have been jealous of our laughter.

But I can't keep calling him SugarDaddy. I've had my first email from a REAL SugarDaddy at another website - one that makes my guy seems like small fry.

So what can I call him? Names I've come up with (Bell and my other friend Sean helped):

  • Nutrasweet Daddy - not quite as tasty as the real thing.
  • SugarDaddyZero - Like CokeZero - again, missing some of the real sugar.
  • Sugar Uncle - he's kindly and sweet, but doesn't have as much power as a Daddy.

Would love to hear your suggestions!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Fucksticks and AssHats

So I just got an email from the guy I wrote about in "The Worst of Times".

This is what he had to say about why he didn't follow up with me:


I need to write to tell you what happened. As I am now allowed to say.

My Dom, gave me one week to find someone off the internet to sleep with, and I then had to break all contact for 1 week.

My Dom then dumped me, showing me that I am what I think I am .. I am now Domless.

I am sorry if I hurt you in anyway.

I replied with this email (stealing Marina's suggestions of course):

You did really hurt me. I should have sent you an invoice for sexual services rendered since you basically just treated me like a whore in the end. And added extra money for the fucking flour I used to bake your cookies.

Although I do sleep with guys for cash sometimes I also am on the look out for someone to date and do not do casual sex any more because after all, that's what I get paid for.

I told you from the beginning that I was looking to date and not just casual sex and you agreed and I got kinda into liking you so slept with you anyhow out of excitment for thinking I'd found a fun kinky match - only to find you used me for your own sexual games without my permission.

I could care less that your Dom dumped you.

Go to hell.

A fat man writes...

Here is the email I said I might share. This guy had a personal ad on a web site, and I sent a note saying if he didn't find anyone to consider an'd be surprised how many men respond to that approach (which just goes to again prove my point that men advertising for NSA sexual hookups are mostly just looking for a "free whore" no matter what they say to the contrary).

Well, he's a big guy, and this is what he had to say:

Hi Curvy,

And thank you for the email... 'not scared as much now!

You've created a great yearning within. (I'm sure you get that comment all the time!!) I'm wrestling with my inner desires in being with a large lover.

Me? I'm fortysomething. I am happily married, really am - and have been for a very long time. My partner (my first and only) is, what society would say, "the perfect average size" - Small/medium and appropriate for all things normal in the western world... However, for all of my life, I've always been a solid/roundish but very active (and fit!) BHM. The classic, lifelong fat person. I've got the emotional scars that society has given me to prove it. I am a conundrum - Successful, but a fatty. We both love each other dearly. Some would say, that for a fat guy, "you are very lucky to have what you've got". Life is good...

However there is this tiny part of me that would really like to be embraced and cared for by a larger woman... Well at least once.... To be with someone who can share a like minded physical and emotional intimacy. A special intimacy that only a larger person would know. Someone who can understand the pain... I guess, I don't get that deep inner part fulfilled by my wife. I'd know that she'd try very hard to but its just not the same...

Oh but to visit you!

"Between, the idea and the action lies the shadow".... It would shatter her...

My biggest and boldest step thus far is to put a lame posting to contemplate meeting a like minded soul. I hadn't really thought about it much further than that. I guess I'd be having this very same conversation in a bar somewhere and not knowing the outcome...

BTW, I've never told anyone this before.....(I'm sure you get that statement all the time as well!)

......Now that I've formally "owned" my desires, by telling someone that might be able to empathize with my inner journey, I feel better for it.............

Thank you for your polite and gentle introduction to your world. It is very inviting...

....I just might, one day....

But if I don't see you, I hope you won't be offended. You may now understand why.

I'll leave you be and again I thank you for your time.

The Worst of Times

It's taken me a while to write about this, and I wasn't going to cause it's not really related to the sex work. I met a guy through a regular online ad and he ticked all of my boxes. We emailed back and forward and I made it clear I was not looking to hook up, but to date with view to relationship. He wanted the same, he said. It was all going swimmingly so we decided to have a very unusual first date. Beer and home made cookies in a park. I mean, I freakin' BAKED for this dude I was so excited.

We sat in the park for hours and hours and hours. Bonded, swapped stories. There were a couple of red flags I guess, but I chose to ignore them. He was so open minded and kinky and told me such out there stories I told him about the escort work. He didn't mind.

After it got dark we went to my house. Ordered pizza and sat and talked more. The neighbours were drunk and invited us over, so we went and played with their new litter of kittens. I was convinced this was going to be the start of something great.

We made out on my bed for ages. So much that I had pash rash for days afterwards - a peeling face. It didn't feel like sex work, it felt real.

So when he suggested I tie him up and "rape" him I was keen. A litle bit OMG about him being so kinky first off, but hey, I was up for it. He'd assured me that sleeping with him was not a sign it was just about sex. Yeah, go and groan dear reader, but I was in the moment.

That was when I thought it did feel like sex work. There were hardly any compliments about my body, and no touching or orgasm for me. He wanted me to call him a slut, and I did. But when he started to call me a slut, although I hadn't asked, I was a bit weirded out.

Still, he came and then we spooned. Back to feeling real. More kissing.

Imagine my surprise then when after a day or two of swapping texts he asked to come over for sex. I replied that I wasn't really looking for a fuck buddy, but he was welcome to take me out for dinner. He then asked if I'd consider a threesome. What. The. Fuck.

What part of all of those emails did he think mentioned a casual fuck? What part of the date did he take as a sign I would be cool with no follow up? Um, I'm guessing the sex. Doh.

Ouch. I was had. I shoulda known when he asked at the end how much I usually charge. Mother Fucker.

Goes to show I let my desire to find a boyfriend cloud my gut feeling and ignore red flags.

I told this story to Marina. She said two things that make it all better and made me laugh until Coke Zero came out my nose:

1) A man will eat a baby if he thinks you'll go to bed with him afterward.

2) I could salvage my self respect by emailing him an invoice. For sexual services rendered. And flour. For the cookies. With a note. "I hate you".

Ha! On the plus side, it goes to show that my emotions are not yet deadened by the sex work, and that I can get really really excited about a guy still!

I'm still a believer.

The Best of Times

I'm not sure if this story really counts as sex work. But I did get paid for it. You can make up your own mind.

I was sitting home on a Saturday night, bored. Answered a random ad online for a guy that offered good $ to meet him for cocktails and entertain him with stories. That's it. He buys the drinks and dinner at my choice of venue, and I offer my companionship. I guess that's technically what's known as a "dinner date" in escort speak.

But I didn't tell him I was an escort. I thought if I was to entertain him for several hours with stories alone I was going to have to be the real me.

I thought it would be super hard work - like the energy drain of Sugar Daddy. But after a couple of $15 cocktails this guy and I really clicked. I was on fire. I was a modern day Scheherazade. Childhood stories, travel stories, silly stories, stories of heartbreak. After a while he chipped in his own stories and we questioned each other. Kind of sharing war wounds. Our energy rebounded and swirled as the hours faded away and I did kinda let slip I may be up for more if he wanted. I hinted I've been known to occasionally take cash for such acts.

Really though I wanted to rip his clothes off and take him home. Hell, I would have returned the cash and called it even.

He was a man of his word though. Nothing hinky. No hidden agendas. Kissed me on the cheek at midnight and I saw myself home, just like Cinderella.

Sigh. In another world, a world in which he was single, maybe we would have hit it off without the cash getting in the way.

I find myself thinking about him now. But as it's reputed Charlie Sheen once said, "You don't pay escorts that much cash for the sex. You pay them to leave at the end."

More Sugar Daddy Thoughts

After finding my first sugar daddy I went and joined up with a sugar daddy website. So far no real action. I was talking with my friend Marina about it. Imagine me as a short, white, geeky gal. Now imagine Marina as the opposite. Tall, black, cool. And cuttingly funny.

I was trying to tell her that she was what people wanted in a sugar babe. Someone who stops conversation when she enters a room. I think that as much as BBW is a niche market, I'm not sure there is room for that in Sugar Daddy land. My boobs may stop traffic, but I still don't think I'm what someone wants to present to a work function. It's just not socially acceptable.

This was confirmed when I recently saw a casual sex ad online. "I like fucking fat chicks, but it's like riding a scooter. It's great until your mates find out. So if you want to meet me in private,drop me a line."

Jeez. I nearly vomited reading that. But I do think many people agree!

Anyhow, Marina and I decided that my angle was my geekiness. Indeed that was partly what won over Sugar Daddy #1. He's a computer geek and loves that I can nerd it up with the best of them (while wearing PVC and fucking him senseless of course).

So I just need to find more geek men with money. Maybe a short fat chic won't score him a lot of respect but when I let fly with the inner geek, I'm sure to make his mates jealous.