Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Client # 7 (Epic Whore FAIL)

Oh my #7 did follow through but the whole thing was a disaster from start to finish. Talking to him on the phone he'd told me he was a tradie. I have tradies in the family so I think I slipped into "Ok, this is the guy you'd have a beer with and joke around with." Not a great sexual vibe to start with. Plus he didn't really buy my working girl name, and I admit it's far too glam for a plumber. I should have a back up name for those guys that don't want the fantasy girl, but the really down to earth gal who lives next door. Suggestions? I'm thinking - Summer??

Then before he arrived I had an argument with my house guest. Well, not really. I'd checked she'd be out in the afternoon, but by the time this guy finally did arrive it was late afternoon. So I texted her - but she came home without reading the text! So in the middle of my "transformation into sex worker" mode I had to make excuses about "my lover" being late and shove her out of the house for an hour, which she was pissed about. That's why I hate house guests.

With all the stress I wasn't really ready mentally when the door bell rang. And then this little cute guy walked into my hallway and I had to try not to laugh. Oh, he looked adorable. But all grubby in work wear. And about five foot nothing. Like he was twelve and had got dirty at school.

I made the mistake of opening with small talk that didn't bring us into sexy land. And he didn't seem to want to hand over the cash. I showed him my room, and the bathroom and we stood awkwardly in the hallway while I waited for the cash. He asked if the guy outside in the white Commodore was looking out for me. I told him no, to make him feel at ease. I really should have taken advantage of the random guy sitting outside my house and said yes. Still no money.

Finally I had to actually put my hand out for cash. And that's when he says, "Oh, I've only got $200. What will that get me?"

Oh, for the love of furry pink slippers. Do I look like the corner shop that sells mixed lollies? "Oh, I've got $1. How many milkbottles and musk sticks can I get for that?"

I'd agreed with him the hourly rate. Now he wanted to bargain. Stilll, he was in my house and harmless enough so I figured out I'd give him 45 mins. Which, as it turns out, was fifteen mins more than he needed.

After the shower he comes out and I ask him what he wants. He says "to relax". First I have to convince him I don't have a web cam going. Then he wants to see my outfits. Which is more like talking about my sex work, than actually doing my sex work. I think he's just curious and trying to stay outside the experience too.

I try kissing, offering massages, but the trouble is, he's already half way to sleep after work in minutes. I just can't get him going, and I just can't be bothered. I try and ask him a few things - does he like his nipples played with, his balls sucked? What I really want to do is scream, What the FUCK will turn you on? Just be honest. I don't care. He doesn't really respond to anything. Nipples are good. I try some light scratches and get pulled up with, "No claw marks".

Oh dear, really? Do I look like the stereotype gal with long nails? No. They are short. All that statement does is prove you're anxious about marks going home. So, not single I take it. It's not helping the mood for you to be thinking about home. He suggests rimming him, but that's not going to happen for $200 and no fair warning. He then says, "Oh, it's kinda gross I admit." Which kills the mood further.

He kind of likes watching my pink bits so I give him a bit of a show and have a small orgasm as fun as a sneeze. I try to go down on him but he can't stay hard. And a flaccid penis in my mouth makes me want to bite since it seems so chewy. Like a rolled up piece of leg ham. I try not to get the giggles.

He starts to jerk himself off and that's when things really went twilight zone.

He'd wanted lots of lube to play with so it was everywhere. But the more he jerked off the more I could see this kinda bright white soap scum forming on his jerking hand. I was thinking maybe there was something odd in my lube. He didn't seem concerned. Then I realised it was pre cum. Oh, Jesus. It GLOWED. It was so thick. My eyes were bugging out of my head. I've never seen anything like it.

When he finally came it was like he's willed a solid object into life. This puddle of ceiling paint white sat on his belly. I expected it to grow legs and walk away to lead an independent existence in the world. There was nothing pearly about it. Nothing translucent, or snot-like even. Not even the grayish dribble I'd seen on Jabba the Hutt. Nope. This thing was definitely a new life form without even needing to find an egg.

I was wondering if he'd want me to put in a jar and give it a name. His hands looked like he'd dipped them in thick moisturizer and not rubbed it in. So I got the baby wipes. But the alien life form kept running away from the wipe. Like mercury pushed around. Or maybe part of that metallic Terminator. Five wipes later and he still needed another shower.

He got dressed and left after that. I tried humour to lighten the fact it was a disaster with no real satisfaction for him. Always a mistake. You don't joke with a guy who can't stay hard. He left in a bit of a hurry and I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing him or his liquid paper fluid again.

No comments:

Post a Comment