Thursday, December 4, 2008

Crazy Potential Clients

So it's probably not legit to share an email someone sent. But I'm going to, mostly cause it's someone I'd never, ever see, and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

He answered an ad online and I sent him my standard spiel about rates and photos and when I would show him some photos of myself. I asked him about his likes and dislikes in the spiel too, as I do for everyone.

This was the conversation that followed....

I'm a gentleman, I generally meet people in public places like on public transport or at the shopping centre or library; I’m that guy that if you look at and smile that will chat to you and not get nervous about it. I dont want to praise myself so ill say what people say about me, They say Im honest, trustworthy and very switched on. Im nice to be around im pleasant to ladies, im very approachable and i dont judge a book by its cover. Im not a wine and dine romantic, but a lady that Im with gets intoxicated and satiated with my company.

I like most things, so Ill just list some of the things I dislike (because hate is such a strong word):

1) Politicians
2) Capitalists
3) Communists
4) Sodomy
5) Movies with a plethora of nudity, violence and profanity and no storyline.
6) Friends the television show
7) Liberals

I’ll list six people I respect because of their achievements in the 20th Century

1. Janet Reger – Inventing French knickers.
2. Omar Knedlik – Inventing Frozen carbonated beverages.
3. Norman B. Larsen – Inventing WD40.
4. Roche – Making Berocca
5. Malcolm X – The real liberator of men
6. Me – for being me

Anything else you would like to know please tell.

Best Regards and P.S
May I see your pic now?

I wrote back with:

Wow...that is the craziest email I've ever had I'm sure as an escort LOL. I'm hoping it's all very black humor. I mean, what could you have against sodomy? What did it ever do to you?!

I would still like to see a pic..it's just my policy.

He wrote:

Sodomy is unnatural and if you had been around before people were being desensitized to the issue you too would agree with this, but I don't expect everyone to share my likes and dislikes. I don't usually write emails to escorts because I don't see many I go to see someone that seldom does this and I like to meet her cause usually I find as with the most recently lady I was with 3 weeks ago, I can make them orgasm and they enjoy being pleasured, it's not wham bam get the hell outta my office kind of thing.
I don't feel comfortable about giving my picture to anyone and seeing it's your policy and not law I think you can bend it just for me. :)

I wrote:

Sorry. We won't get along - your views and mine are far too different. And in my world, my own policy is law. Good luck out there.

He had to have the last word with:

Godspeed.


((Is it just me or does this email seem like it should by signed by Ignatius J. Reilly?))

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