Well a few months back I actually did write a letter to "Letters From Working Girls" detailing my first experience. Susannah didn't publish it and I'm kinda glad - it's a bit of a mess of justification, an attempt at being flippant and funny, and probably showed I was still a little bit like What the Fuck Am I Doing? Rereading it now it makes it seem like I totally did this to impress some married guy and to almost be his Scheherazade of Sluttiness. Which isn't totally true.
Anyhow, I've published most of it in it's mess (only edited a bit) here...
I went overseas, and on holiday I met an amazing guy through Craigslist (of course). He was married but with intelligence, conversation skills, and a great kiss. We had a furtive affair for two days in a hotel suite and it really opened my mind to how much I enjoy sex, and everything it can bring with it when the connection is there. I cried when he left and he became my new benchmark. I wanted to find someone like him to marry.
The downside was that my experience with the married guy also made me look back over my previous encounters. I realized of the fifteen or so men I'd slept with there were only three that were truly memorable, including him. The rest were non-events in comparison.
I kept chatting to him online when I got home and we dared each other to do ever wilder things. Get saucy photographs taken. Send each other homemade videos. Then he said that if he was a girl, he'd sell himself. Just to see what was out there. So I did. It seemed like an interesting experiment.
I put up ads. I found a BBW callgirl in my city through her ad and emailed her for advice for a newcomer. She gave me a tonne of tips. I decided to model myself on her rates and marketing. I spent maybe eight hours on line, sending photos, answering enquirers. It was exactly like organising my online hook-ups, except with one extra level of negotiation - price and what exactly I'd do. I knew already to avoid the photo collectors, the endless chats, and the ones who just wanted to insult you to feel good about themselves.
Late last night I got an email that seemed real, a quick agreement on price and someone who wanted to come over in the next few hours. I had told a few friends what I was thinking of doing. They were amused. One gave me a new sim card so i could have a "hooker number". One girl insisted on being my safety girl. I was to text her and the beginning and end, and if I didn't she'd call me. If I didn't answer she'd know I was in trouble. I had to talk another friend out of wanting to sit in her car outside. I think they all thought it great fun.
I depersonalised the part of my apartment I'd let the guy see. And then promptly stuffed it up when I introduced myself with my real first name. Doh. Not my carefully chosen alter-ego. After that it was all plain sailing. He tried to get me to do more than I agreed. I was firm and said no. He didn't argue. It was boring but I managed to orgasm, mainly cause it seemed easier than trying to fake one. The guy was skinny and frail looking and fucked like a jack rabbit. He didn't say more than two words and shook like a wet puppy the whole time.
About five minutes before our time was up then the words poured out, and I got the sense he'd want to sit and chat for ages. He told me to be careful, gave me a kiss, said "Ciao" and disappeared only after I'd made a big show of putting on a dressing gown and texting my friend.
The one thing that I've noticed that has changed in my life is a good thing. I'm now looking at photos of possible online hookups with fresh eyes. I'm going through the dating sites thinking if I REALLY want to meet a guy who sends a pic, or if they would fall into the category of yes, they're okay, but only if they were paying.
It's like I've finally realised what I was giving away for free. That all along I was acting in a pretty powerless way - sleeping with an average guy that did nothing for me, just for something to do. But now I'm thinking I'll only meet a guy for free if he has the potential to be earth shattering or a long term thing or loveable. And it would be a pretty special guy who would accept me with all of my crazy stories - and now the escort hobby.
I paid off some of my credit card today. Have decided that I'll should raise my rates. Cause I'm worth it, and it really is hard physical labor. Like shelf-stacking or something. But with less personal space.