Thursday, January 16, 2014

Hulllo 2014 - it's been over 4 years since I was an escort..

Curvy-gal lovers I cannot believe I am still getting mail! I feel quite blessed. Oh no I don't, I hate that smug *blessed* attitude or tag you see over the interwebz. I think it rocks that people are still reading, still emailing me comments and questions and yes, I do even have the old regular clients messaging me.

I think I must have had an impact in a positive way. I was just saying in a personal email to someone reading this that a good GFE experience is really a kind of therapy, on both sides I think.

Thought I'd do a few updates. They aren't that funny, or even exciting...but kinda of "Life after Curvy Gal" so those of you who are considering the industry can mull about how it may work long term.

Firstly, it's been probably more than two years since I've had sex. A combination of actually getting a little hurt by a very brief fling, followed by some quite ordinary casual sex and a lot to do with the fact that I always see sex as a transaction now. I think forever more I will do that. And it's not always pretty.

I'll try and update you on the stories and my feelings and maybe you can suggest some ways out of my current world view, as I'm not happy with it!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Still kicking!

Just a quick note to say that I checked into this account two years after my last post and found a bunch of new comments, and some emails from people asking advice! Have replied to them all. Plus a few forlorn regulars who still send me the odd "Where ARE you" email! I suppose I should be flattered.

Would love to hear how you are all going - I'm thinking maybe I should go through the blog and do a quick edit and issue it as an ebook, just for shits and giggles.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Sex Once in Two Years

The last post described events that happened almost a year ago! And since then I've kept up with the trying dating thing and managed to have possibly the most dysfunctional date known to womankind...

Background: I have said before that I date women and men. Truth be told, I've never actually had an honest-to-dog "normal" relationship with a guy. Never once had a boyfriend! I have had several long term relationships with women, and in fact, for a long time was a proud lesbian. Of course, it was a lie, I was always shagging boys in between girlfriends, but it was only a few years back I came out again - as openly bisexual.

So. I go out for Yum Cha with a girl I'd met online. I was pretty nervous and excited. I liked the look of her photo and emails and had gone to a bit of effort to look hot, but not, hey-I-used-to-be-a-whore-hot.

There was something grating about the gals personality. Impossible to place. But she was rude to the waiters and angry about the noise levels and hustle and bustle of Yum Cha. I knew that someone who couldn't keep her cool in a packed restaurant was not a long term prospect, but I couldn't bring myself to hurry the lunch and just up and leave. I think because I expected more from her I was hoping she'd suddenly live up to my expectations.

Unfortunately I was also busy that afternoon, so couldn't really afford to waste time in a coffee shop after just downing a million pork buns and egg tarts. I'm not sure how it happened, but she ended up coming with me to run chores! We went to the hardware store. Can you believe it!? She was helping me buy nuts and bolts! Now that is very lesbian. I'm kinda surprised we didn't just move in together after the hardware store, even though we didn't really seem to be getting any closer to liking each other.

I then decided I'd run her home across town. The universe hates me, forcing me to only date people without cars, or licenses I've noticed. And I'm too nice to force people onto public transport if I can help it. Curvy Gal to the rescue as always.

Now we come to the very best bit of the date. It's a long drive. She gets chatty. Starts disclosing things about friends of hers who were sex workers. Stories from brothels. It was odd. But being she was open minded I threw in a comment.

"Well, I used to do it. Sex work. For a year or so. I kinda miss it."

My heart was racing wondering what her reaction she would have. And it was a great one. Hand in the air loudly proclaiming, "That's it. I just can't do this. I can't date another sex worker!"

The floodgates well and truly opened. She'd been a whore. Her girlfriends had been whores. But they came from the "real sex work" world of brothels, drugs, dozens of guys a night, rapes, beatings, stand over bosses and more drugs.

This girl seemed to naturally assume that I had all of this in common. I was mute. Shocked. I dropped her home, she was still pouring out the story from the pavement but I couldn't listen anymore. Her experience was most definitely not my experience.

And there you have it. A Yum Cha to Hardware Store and Long Drive date with a Fellow Prostitute.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Blog that will not Die

I can't believe it was back September 2010 when I was outlining my sexual dilemmas since having given up the whoredom. And the issue still drags on!

After the last blog I decided I was desperate. I needed to break my revirginised hymen so I also broke my new moral code and I called on Married Lover/Photographer.

It was beyond ordinary. I don't want to use the word abysmal, but it wasn't far from it.

In the year or so since I'd seen him, Photographer had gained about 50 pounds and he was solid to start with. He had aged about a decade and age had eaten his arse. From behind he had saggy old man butt, like Samanatha saw in Sex in the City episode where she was sleeping with the 70 year old! I mean, yeah, I'm fat, but consistently so. Our combined bulk made some positions impossible this time round!

Worse though he was now self employed and turned up less cultured then I remembered, no corporate suits, and was littering his language with swearwords. All I could think was...he looks like the redneck version of James Packer (yes, that's Packer in the photo in his prime, and now). Actually, over the years we have been shagging I have often wondered if he is a relative of the media baron family cause he sure is a doppelganger. Maybe I have actually been shagging Packer, just with a bad dye job. I've sure been ripped off if I have, since he is not a paying client!

Afterwards I swore that my casual sex days were over. Yeah Riiiiight, I hear you say.

Stay tuned for other adventures.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Curvy Gal as Nun

Wow! I had no idea I'd still have anyone keeping an eye on my blog. So I'll update you on what is going on. Bit rusty on the writing, haven't done any for a year. But that's not the only thing I've been missing. Would you believe I've had NO SEX for an entire year. And I'm going crazy. Bugnuts, totally loopy. And I've no idea what to do about my situation.

My life changed this year, and for a while I was distracted and not feeling much like sex. So I stopped contacting my regular lovers. Had emails every now and then from regular clients, asking for bookings. Just ignored them. It felt good and powerful to be not feeling like sex, and just getting on with life.

And then something odd happened.

The longer I went without sex, the more it became some Kinda Big Deal. The closest thing I can liken it to is an alcoholic who is managing the one day at a time thing and whamo, find they are into the whole Recovery-speak. Blurgh.

Somewhere past the six month mark I decided that my new found abstinence meant I could be a "normal" gal and just date, in hopes of meeting someone I could live happily ever after with. Even though I really am okay with being single, well, if I wasn't so sexually frustrated.

But then I thought, maybe I'd pretend the whore experiment had never happened. That then extended into a whole new moral code of not sleeping with anyone who is taken. So...only dating single people with no money involved. Like the rest of the world. A New Me.

But folks, the issue is, I HATE IT. I've tried online dating, I've tried joining groups to meet like minded people, hell, I'm one step away from eHarmony.

The dates I have been on have just totally been wash outs. Mostly I find myself thinking, hey, you're nice enough, if you were a client I'd totally shag you for dollars. But not for free. And they're all awkward and first date like, and I slip into the "make you feel comfortable" sex worker role.

I don't want to boast, but I fucking rock at having a coffee with someone and putting on a great show of being friendly, happy, flirty and asking all the right questions. Which of course means then the dates are keen to get together again. And I'm NOT. I'm so bored I think my eyes are going to roll up into my head and I'll drop dead from the total blahness of it all.

So I have given up the dating. Back to just wanting some sexin' now. I'm gagging for it. If I lived many moons ago doctors would be diagnosing me with hysteria. I'm moody, aggressive, lack patience, fragile and losing my sense of humour.

But now it's been a year and I've got into some odd headspace where I feel like I'm some sort of Virgin 2.0, and I can only give my vajayjay to someone special. But I hate that I feel that way. Cause I want sex. Did I say that enough already?

And now I don't know how to go about getting back on the horse so to speak. I have one regular realworld lover who I've tracked down, but he's still married, so that would break my new rules. I have that handful of regular clients who have spent the year forlornly emailing me, even after I stopped replying. So I could go grab some easy cash by shagging people I already trust. And if I picked the clients I really got off with, then that would cure my hysteria too.

I wonder then if I'll feel like a complete failure in this bizarre "personal growth" thing I've fallen into. Like the alcoholic who wants just one drink, I also think I'd probably fire up the whole whore shebang again. I have missed it.

I'm lashing out in really odd directions. Like email Married Lover (the guy who'd grown a beard and I last had animal sex with a year ago if you can remember that far back in my blog) and we have had some banter going back and forward. And then I stop. And go and stare at his wife's page on Facebook and think, "this is who I'd be hurting if she ever found out". And then he emails sexy little things and I email back again. And then stop.

I've also taken out a new ad in the escort section of the paper. And I did start my usual questions and banter with a few men, and then stopped. And I've rejoined the sex workers union. And I'm going to the annual conference too, out of curiosity.

I've also contacted IT Guy client cause he was the most harmless, plus single. But then I doubled my rates in an attempt to sabotage him actually making a booking. Which worked and has probably driven him off for good I'm guessing, which would suck if I really did want to get back into it all.

What to do, what to do.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Is anyone out there?, hi, it's me. Curvy Gal. Have been away for almost a year. Is anyone out there...testing, testing, one..two..three.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

So you want to be an escort!

I've had a few similar Ask Curvy questions lately - about starting out as an escort. I've put off writing about it cause as much fun as I've had, and from everything I've learned, it's still not something I'd encourage people to go into unless they are really, really sure. I can't assess your mental state or personality traits to see if you are going to cope okay when you have that first freak out moment of "Oh my god, I just had sex for money!"

Please also remember that where I am, working as a single girl alone from a house, or visiting hotels and client's houses - it is all legal. No one can entrap me to give me a police record, or fine me, or argue that I'm not a fit and proper person to be around kids or whatever. I also don't have a relationship to put at risk. So the first bit of advice I would give is that you research the law where you are and find out exactly what you can and can't do, and what issues you would face if caught. Then look at your partner and kids and family situation. If you're okay with the possible consequences then that's a good, informed place to start!

This advice is also for girls wanting to work solo. I know nothing about brothel work or agencies!

You need to research like any other business idea. What's your market? Your prices? Your persona? What are other women and brothels offering around you? Ring a few phone numbers you find, or answer a few of the online ads as a curious client to find out prices and terminology and basically scope out your competition. Is there a gap in the market you could fill?

I kinda market myself as the middle-class escort. I'm not high end charging $600 plus an hour, but I'm certainly not even going to say hi to a client for less than $150 (and that at most gets you 30 mins. I've even charged that minimum for a ten minute fantasy). I target business men during the day, or tradesmen with some spare time. And of course anyone who likes BBW, but I draw the line at over fifty usually because I just don't want to go there. I only take bookings online. All of these restrictions mean I reject up to ninety percent of potential booking cause they want to talk on the phone, are too old, or want to negotiate too low on prices.

If you know your legal rights, and your market and persona are sorted, plus ideally you know how you'll advertise and where you'll work from then the next step is to try and find a mentor. Is there a call girl with an ad that you admire? Ask her for advice. She may be willing. Is there a sex workers outreach program around you? Or any kind of whore's association? Sign up if you can to scope out the scene.

If you can't find any one around you to help, you're going to have to tell at least one person in your life so you can organise some safety routines. Or you could try paying someone for the same service. Maybe someone to act as your safe call, maybe a driver, maybe a security guard. Or maybe it's your most trustworthy friend who is going to cover your ass. At a minimum have someone who will know where you are, with who, and when you are leaving. Ring them at the beginning and end and set up a plan if something goes wrong.

Maybe if you don't call them at the end then they wait a few mins and call you. And if no answer, or you say some sort of code word, they need to call the police. Have a story in place so that the cops don't judge you first up - at least until they've saved you. Get your friend to tell them you went home with someone from a bar or an online date and you're super worried because you've failed to call as arranged, or called and said something was wrong. Make the story good and scary so they'll go to your aid.

As part of your safety plan you should also be seeing clients only when drug free and sober, or you are asking for issues.

So I guess it boils down to knowing your legal rights and issues, a safety plan and a business plan. That's a good start.

Now you need to have a client plan. How are you going to fill the hour? It's too much if you just jump straight in. Try and relax them with a drink, or make them have a shower. Offer to shower with them. Massage them. Sex work is a bit of a art form - make them feel good but with minimum work for yourself or you'll burn out! At first you won't have a clue what you are doing but they will be just as nervous. Also think about your client boundaries. Kissing? Them going down on you? Spanking? Fantasties? Be very clear with what you will and won't do from the start.

That's about all I can think of for now but fire away with any questions, or jump in with your own experiences - I'm only one girl with some part time experience, on my own terms, outside of the "sex industry" as such so am still pretty naive myself!


Curvy Gal